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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1995-09
September, 1995
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the
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A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR),
the journal of inflated research and personalities
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1995-09-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
1995-09-01 Table of Contents
1995-09-02 Micro-mini Housekeeping Notes
1995-09-03 Alluring Abstracts from AIR 1:5
1995-09-04 In Defense of Limerickianism
1995-09-05 Limerickianism and a Noted Skeptic
1995-09-06 Ultra Slim-Fast Backlash
1995-09-07 Ig Ceremony: Update on Heisenberg, TV, Tix, Etc.
1995-09-08 AIRhead Project 2000: preliminary results
1995-09-09 May We Recommend...
1995-09-10 May He Recommend...
1995-09-11 AIRhead Events
1995-09-12 What is AIR? (*)
1995-09-13 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
1995-09-14 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)
1995-09-15 Our Address (*)
1995-09-16 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
------------------------------------------------------------
1995-09-02 Micro-mini Housekeeping Notes
1. Info about tickets, etc. for the 1995 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony
are in section 1995-09-07 below. The ceremony will held on the
evening of Friday, October 6
2. Thanks to the biophysicists in Scotland who sent us the tinned
haggis. It was as delicious as could be expected.
3a. If between Aug 25 and Sept 10 you e-mailed us a citation for
the "May We Recommend" column, we sheepishly beseech you to send
it in again. We suffered a disk incident that rendered those
citations into nothingness.
3b. A reminder that if you are sending LISTPROC commands to the
list processor (to retrieve back issues or whatever) please send
them to the correct address: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU
------------------------------------------------------------
1995-09-03 Alluring Abstracts from AIR 1:5
AIR is a subversively educational print journal. The articles in
AIR are longer, more visual, and more xeroxible than the tiny
tidbits we publish in mini-AIR. Below are summaries of a few
randomly selected articles from vol. 1, no. 5, the
September/October 1995 issue.
"The Mathematics of Telephone Numbers," by Yihren Wu and Xiaohui
Zhong. The authors study a class of numbers known as "the phone
numbers." An example is the number 313-463-1645
As it stands this expression is ambiguous, since substraction is
NOT associative; this can be seen by comparing the two forms:
(313-463)-1645 and 313-(463-1645)
The authors analyze multiplicative and other properties of these
numbers. [Includes photos and diagrams.]
"The Value of Love, Using the Dylan Model," by Joseph Clibern,
Andrew Russ, Tiny Montgomery, and Zeke deCork. Beginning with the
folllowing assertion made by Bob Dylan:
(Love-0) / No Limit
the authors estimate the value of Love using basic algebra of
need, perhaps some calculus, and maybe a bit of the geometry of
innocence. [Includes photo and copious footnotes.]
"Use of the Colon in Titles of British Medical Sociology
Conference Papers, 1970 to 1993," by Sue Ziebland and Catherine
Pope. The authors examine trends in the use of the colon in paper
titles, using evidence from an annual British academic conference.
[Includes colon.]
"Cindy Crawford Discovers," by Alice Shirell Kaswell. Our
intrepid columnist reviews recent research by Cindy Crawford,
Isabella Rosallini, Anna Sui and other investigators who publish
in the research journal "Harper's Bazaar."
Electrical Poetry by P.D. Thistle. A collection of poetry that is
of appeal only to Electrical Enthusiasts. Two of the poems are
presented here:
.........THREE PRONG POEM..................
Three prongs
are better than two.
..........A SONG OF MYSELF..................
I love electrical tape.
AIR itself includes these full articles, and much more --
including saveral pages (with copious quotes!) of items that merit
a trip to the library. We invite you to subscribe and become an
official AIRhead.
-------------------------------------------------------
1995-09-04 In Defense of Limerickianism
In the July issue of mini-AIR, we announced a new research
project: The AIRhead Science Limerick Compendium. Limericks
continue to pour in, as do criticisms and carps (three of the
latter, fresh frozen). Here is our favorite literary analysis,
written by Jay M. Pasachoff of the Williams College physics
department.
_____________
I was disappointed in the Limerick feature in mini-AIR 1995-08-04,
since a limerick is not merely a "five-line fragment." There are
detailed rules of meter for limericks:
da Da-da da Da-da da Da,
da da Da, da da Da, da da Da.
da da Da da da Da,
da da Da da da Da,
da Da-da da Da-da da Da.
with lines 1, 2 and 5 rhyming with each other, and lines 3 and 4
rhyming with each other.
Thus the offering by Kevin Ahern:
A violation of Sir Isaac was found
By Megan hurtling fast toward the ground
She's not in smithereens
Because on trampolines
What goes down, must go up, then go down.
Can be rewritten into limerick form, saving the excellent last
line (with a minor violation in the lack of true rhyme), as:
The laws of Sir Isaac were found
To bring Megan so fast toward the ground
Yet she's not smithereens
Since on all trampolines
What goes down, must go up, then go down.
The "Novel soliton solutions in Rowland ghost gaps" is far from a
limerick. A corresponding limerick might read
A grating can lead to a blur
When its lines cause some ghosts to occur.
I showed wriggles and bumps
And then also some lumps,
But reviewers have yet to concur.
Rewriting the next example, with the minor deviation in the lead-
in that is often allowed, could give:
High-velocity clouds can be found
And in galaxies' disks they abound.
Now although superbubbles
Have given great troubles
The model called "fountain" is sound.
Finally, a try at Don Homuth's effort might give, allowing
(illegally)an extra unaccented syllable at the end:
A biology prof name of Cast-
er who's project she wanted to last
Took an idea complex
Aimed at changing the sex
Of drisophila melanogaster.
It can be fun writing verse that follows the rules.
-------------------------------------------------
1995-09-05 Limerickianism and a Noted Skeptic
This month's new limerick sub-collection was written by magician,
author and skeptic James Randi (aka "The Amazing Randi).
"Of the need to believe I've no doubt,"
Said the sage as he looked all about
At the annual fete
Of the psychics who met
In convention, their claptrap to tout.
A scientist, showing no mirth,
Said, "If I owned all of the Earth,
I'd give all I've got
For a single good shot
At the goof who gave cold fusion birth."
The physicist made an intrusion,
On a conclave that dealt with illusion.
"This meeting, by far,
Would be better to tar
And feather the ghost of cold fusion."
The Shroud of Turin, is to me, a
Patent fake like a Chinese sangria.
In Italy it
Would simply not fit
The wardrobe of the Pope. Mamma mia!
The psychic friends are so handy.
I asked them for advice about Mandy.
They replied "Yes do go
with her in the UFO,
just don't tell the amazing randi"
Please submit your AIRhead limericks to BOURBAKI@NEU.EDU
New limericks (if such things exist) only, please.
------------------------------------------------
1995-09-06 Ultra Slim-Fast Backlash
Last month we published a brief essay by Robert L. Park of the
American Physical Society (APS) about a television commercial for
the weight-loss product Ultra Slim-Fast. The first and last lines
of that essay are reproduced here:
It is arguably the most offensive characterization
of a scientist since Dr. Strangelove, and it takes just
30 seconds... In this politically-correct era, scientists
may be the only group left that advertisers can safely
ridicule.
Many readers sent in comments. Here are three of them.
As regards the Ultra Slim Fast ad that ridicules scientists,
I just wanted to mention that advertisers don't seem to mind
ridiculing librarians either! We are always depicted with
buns and glasses, shushing patrons! Alas.
Sarah McCleskey
Music Library
UNC-Chapel Hill
And, I surmise, fat people may be the only group left that
asshole scientists can safely ridicule.
[exact name not included]
HinTysen@aol.com
You may like to hear of the representation of Faraday in a
British TV advertisement for Tetley's beer. The
nauseatingly smooth "hero" of the piece is trying to enjoy a
quiet drink of Tetley's in a pub, but is irritated by the
antics of Faraday, who is portrayed as a buffoon. In fact
Faraday has harnessed his new discovery of electricity to
make one of those gadgets which delivers an electric shock
to those incautious enough to shake his hand. Our hero
indicates to Faraday that his flies (I don't know whether
you call trouser fastenings "flies" in the US) are undone,
and Faraday checks them, delivering himself a painful shock
in a sensitive area. It is particularly offensive that it is
the work of one of science's greatest men which is
trivialised in this instance.
Bob Price
Department of Medical Physics
Leeds University
-------------------------------------------------------------
1995-09-07 Ig Ceremony: Calling All Delegations, Live TV?
The 1995 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony will be held at Harvard
University on the evening of Friday, October 6, with Nobel
Laureates Herschbach, Glashow, Roberts, Lipscomb et al
participating, and featuring the 1995 Ig Nobel Prizewinners,
several Nobel Laureates, the Nicola Hawkins Dancers, and
jazz Harpist Deborah Henson-Conant. Tickets must be purchased in
advance.
HEISENBERG CERTAINTY LECTURERS: The prestigious 30-second
Heisenberg Certainty Lectures will be delivered by several Nobel
Laureates and by other special invited Lecturers.
This year's Lecturers include:
* Tom and Ray Magliozzi of NPR's "Car Talk" program.
* Sally Yeh, President of Bijan Fragrances, Inc.,
of Beverly Hills, the creators of DNA Cologne
* Robert Kirshner, Chairman of the Harvard Astronomy
Department. (Prof. Kirshner has oft been called "The
D. Letterman of Astronomy.")
DELEGATION TICKETS: The deadline for Audience Delegation
applications has been extended to September 22. Details are
available from:
Margaret Ann Gray mag@mit.edu 617-253-0217
Dee Dow Chase deedc@mit.edu 617-253-5543
INDIVIDUAL TICKETS: Individual tickets go on sale Friday, Sept. 29
at 9:00 am at the Harvard University Holyoke Center ticket office,
in Harvard Square. Tickets are $5 apiece, and must be purchased
in person. There is a limit of 2 tickets per person.
BENEFACTOR FIGS: Thank you to the generous AIRheads who have sent
donations to help fund the ceremony. If you would like to become a
FIG (Friend of the Ig), include a self-addressed stamped envelope
with your donation; we will send you an attractive FIG
certificate. (Any checks for the Ig should be made payable to
"AIR.") One person will be chosen at random to receive a free
admission ticket to the ceremony and a fleeting yet glorious
moment on stage; no donation is necessary to be eligible for this
random honor.
VIDEO AND SOUND TECHNICIANS: We are still sewing up details about
the video and audio aspects of the ceremony. If you are are an
expereinced camera person with an experienced 3/4" or beta camera
and would like to help out, please get in touch ASAP.
LIVE TV? If if if if if if the proper communications line is
hooked up in time, we will be able to televise the entire ceremony
live (and FREE of charge!). Should this come about, you will be
able to see the televised Ig in two places:
a) worldwide on the Internet on MBONE (we urge you to find
a friend who has the equipment to receive MBONE
broadcasts); and
b) In the presence of a rabid, eclectically costumed
audience in one of the large lecture halls in the
Harvard Science Center:
If the proper connections are in place, we will announce details
immediately and as widely as possible.
-------------------------------------------------------------
1995-09-08 Project AIRhead 2000 (aka AIRhead Project 2000)
As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling
a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number
two thousand. The following items were randomly selected:
ITEM #61 (Submitted by investigator Susan F. LaMonde)
"RADIO 2000," and internet discussion list by and for radio on-air
personalities.
ITEM #TKS-140 (submitted by investigator Michael Tice)
"CTHULHO 2000: A Lovecraftian Anthology," a collection of 18
stories inspired by the horror fiction of HP Lovecraft.
ITEM #2000 (Submitted by investigator Steve Trimberger et al)
"PROJECT AIRHEAD 2000" (aka AIRHEAD PROJECT 2000), A list of
studies, projects, and products that involve
the number two thousand.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1995-09-09 May We Recommend...
Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items
are additional to those which appear in AIR itself.)
"The genomic structure of the human UFO receptor," A.S. Schulz; L.
Schleithoff; M. Faust; C.R. Bartram; and J.W. Janssen, "Oncogene,"
vol. 8, 1993, pp. 509-13. (Thanks to Keith Robison for bringing
this to our attention.)
"Influence of sex on the short-term outcome of elderly patients
with a first acute myocardial infarction," H. Bueno, M.T. Vidan,
A. Almazan, J.L. Lopez-Sendon, and J.L. Delcan, "Circulation,"
vol. 92, no. 5, 1995. (Thanks to Ron Stickney for bringing this to
our attention.)
------------------------------------------------------------
1995-09-10 May He Recommend...
Last month we recommended (among other thigns) the following item
as "meriting a trip to the library":
"Ear preference in telephone listening," J. Seeman and
W. Surwillo, "Perceptual and Motor Skills," vol. 65,
1987, pp. 803-9.
Rather than journey to the library, one reader sent us this
distilled comment:
So, you make fun of items like this? It could well be a
reasonable research in human perception & physiology. The
problem with people who believe that they make fun on the
items like the above is that they in fact make fun of
themselves. Equally well 95% (if not 100%) of all the
titles in Phys.Rev., J.Molec.Biology (or whatever) sound as
a sheer nonsense to 99% of all people. (And the truth is
that in almost all cases this people's opinion is not too
off from the reality.)
Alexander A. Berezin,
McMaster University, Hamilton, Ontario
-----------------------------------------------------------
1995-09-11 AIRhead Events
[The most current version of this list can always be obtained
by sending e-mail to INFO@IMPROB.COM]
"THE CONNECTION" (National Public Radio) Fri, Oct 6
Prior to the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, keynote speaker Dr. Robert
Lopez (who won a 1994 Prize for putting cat ear mites into his own
ear) and several other participants will discuss their work,
philosophy and personal habits, and take call-in questions.
Consult your local station for exact time.
1995 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY, Harvard University Fri, Oct 6, 7:30
The ceremony is co-sponsored by the Harvard Computer Society and
by Tangents, the Harvard-Radcliffe mathematical bulletin. It will
be recorded for later broadcast on NPR's "Talk of the
Nation/Science Friday" program. Tickets must be purchased in
advance. (For more details, send e-mail to INFO@IMPROB.COM)
"LIVING ON EARTH" (International Public Radio) Fri, Oct 6
The first of a continuing series of AIRhead commentaries will
appear on PRI's "Living On Earth" Program. Consult your local
station for exact time. (In some cities this might be broadcast on
a different day.]
INTERSOCIETY POLYMER CONFERENCE, Baltimore Tues, Oct 10
Dinner and Keynote Address: "Improbable Research."
Stouffer Harborplace Hotel. Info: (518) 387-7942
CARNEGIE MELLON UNIVERSITY, Pittsburgh Tues, Oct 17
7:00 Seminar/slide show on "Advances in Improbable Research."
Doherty Hall 2315. Info: Catherine_Copetas@GANDALF.CS.CMU.EDU
FROSTBURG STATE (Maryland) Thurs,October 19
4:00 Seminar on improbably good science writing.
7:30 at the Lane Center. Seminar/slide show on "Advances in
Improbable Research."
Info: Cab Vinton D2LBVIN@FRA00.FSU.UMD.EDU
FOLIO CONFERENCE, Hilton Hotel, New York City Thurs, Oct 26
2:00 AIRhead lecture/slide show for magazine editors and
publishers on the topic "Camshafts, Beer, and Cindy Crawford: How
to Make a Dull Topic Irresistable." Info: John Nelson, American
Society of Business Press Editors, 708-889-4141
MIT ALUMNI CLUB, Albany New York Thursday evening, Dec 14
INFO: Wendy Gilman: 518-443-5168 or 518-270-1882
GILMANW@CA.SUNYCENTRAL.EDU
AIRHEADS ON TV: From time to time, AIR's editor and authors
present AIRhead science reports on ABC's World News Now and public
Radio's "Living On Earth."
If you would like to host an improbable research seminar /
slide show please get in touch with us.
---------------------------------------------------------------
1995-09-12 WHAT IS AIR? (*)
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) is a splendidly subversive
science humor magazine produced by the founders and entire former
editorial staff (1955-1994) of "The Journal of Irreproducible
Results" and by other research scientists and other AIRheads from
around the world. AIR's co-founders are Marc Abrahams, who edited
the Journal from 1990-1994, and Alexander Kohn, who co-founded the
Journal in 1955 and was its editor until 1989. The editorial board
consists of more than 40 distinguished scientists from around the
world, including eight Nobel Laureates and a convicted felon.
Each October, AIR produces the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, honoring
people whose achievements "cannot or should not be reproduced."
[IMPORTANT -- AIR is IN NO WAY associated with the name "The
Journal of Irreproducible Results" or with the entity which now
owns that name.]
--------------------------------------
1995-09-13 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
Amaze your colleagues. Delight your friends. Impress yourself.
Subscribe to The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)!
Put more AIR in the lab, the classroom, the office, the waiting
room, the library, the living room, the restroom, ...the detention
center. And it makes a lovely gift of the most unexpected kind.
6 issues per year. Highly enriched, yet contains no cholesterol.
==============================================
Rates (in US dollars)
USA 1 year - $19.95 2 years - $34.95
Canada/Mexico 1 year - $27 2 years - $45
Overseas 1 year - $40 2 years - $70
Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or
Visa, Mastercard or Discover cards) to:
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX: 617-661-0927
air@improb.com
---------------------------
1995-09-14 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)
mini-AIR is an monthly electronic newsletter of overflow tidbits
from The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It is available
over the Internet, free of charge. To subscribe, send a brief E-
mail message to:
LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
---------------------------------------
To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR
To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR
To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying
which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated
950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706
::::: AIR extracts on USENET
The USENET newsgroup clari.feature.imprb_research presents a
syndicated weekly column of reports extracted from The Annals of
Improbable Research. [NOTE: This is available only if your
Internet site subscribes to the Clarinet newsgroups.]
---------------------------
1995-09-15 Our Address
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853
Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927
EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu
GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com
SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com
URL: http://www.improb.com/
We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it.
IF you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a
SASE in all printed correspondence.
---------------------------
1995-09-16 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts) wherever
appropriate. The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR.
B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes.
------------------------------------------------------------
(c) copyright 1995, The Annals of Improbable Research
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mini-AIRheads
-------------
EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu)
WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@mit.edu)
COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu)
ASSOCIATIVE EDITORS: Mark Dionne, Jane Patrick
CO-CONSPIRATORS: Nicki Sorel, Gary Dryfoos
MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto
AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon
Glashow & William Lipscomb
============================================================
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