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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1995-11
November, 1995
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the
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A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR),
the journal of inflated research and personalities
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1995-11-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
1995-11-01 Table of Contents
1995-11-02 Micro-mini Housekeeping Notes
1995-11-03 More Alluring Abstracts from AIR 1:6
1995-11-04 Ig Nobel Update: Dear Idiot
1995-11-05 Announcing: "Biggest Blowhard" Survey
1995-11-06 Nobel Laureate Hoffmann's Views on Junk Mail
1995-11-07 Call for Papers: Psychiatric Disorder Plagues
1995-11-08 AIRhead Science Limericks
1995-11-09 AIRhead Project 2000
1995-11-10 May We Recommend...
1995-11-11 AIRhead Events
1995-11-12 What is AIR? (*)
1995-11-13 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
1995-11-14 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)
1995-11-15 Our Address (*)
1995-11-16 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
------------------------------------------------------------
1995-11-02 Micro-mini Housekeeping Notes
1. We remind you that a recording of this year's Ig Nobel Prize
Ceremony will be broadcast in the US on National Public Radio's
"Talk of the Nation" program on Friday, Nov. 24, the day after
Thanksgiving. And yes, yes, yes, we really are preparing a video
of this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony; details will be announced
soon, soon.
2. As partially predicted, the new mailer program that distributes
mini-AIR went on a rampage and vaporized approx. 24,000 addresses
(including a good many mailing lists) from the distribution list.
We managed to restore most of them from a backup. However, many
names that were added or deleted during recent weeks have now
been, respectively, deleted or added. If you are one of them, let
us know A FEW DAYS FROM NOW and we'll re-add, delete, multiply or
divide you.
3. We are fearfully proud to announce a massive, important new
survey: the Biggest Blowhard Survey. See section 1995-11-05 below
for details.
4. A limited-seating AIRhead research seminar is scheduled for Los
Angeles in late April. Anyone in the LA area who would like to
host additional seminars/slide shows please send email to
marca@wilson.harvard.edu
5. AIR is looking for an adventurous, good sales rep to help with
our rapid inflation. Looney toons need not apply.
------------------------------------------------------------
1995-11-03 More Alluring Abstracts from AIR 1:6
AIR is a subversively educational print journal. The articles in
AIR are longer, more visual, and more xeroxible than the tiny
tidbits we publish in mini-AIR.
AIR vol. 1, no. 6, the November/December 1995 issue, is a special
issue devoted partially to research on animal behavior.
Among the most prominent articles are:
A] Researchers in North Carolina (Mike Dubik and Brian Wood) have
performed medical tests that answer the question "How Dead is a
Doornail?"
B] A report from senior AIRhead Harry Lipkin of the Weizmann
Institute presents newly discovered KGB data. The data disproves
the controversial arguments set forth in Hernnstein and Murray's
heartfelt book "The Bell Curve."
C] Investigator William Mote of New Orleans describes a new
mathematical/logic symbol: "is not about equal to."
D] Investigator Margaret Jones of Cranston, Rhode Island reports
on the side effects (bald spots, etc) of stress during her
Master's Degree pursuit. The effects were evident in two pet
german shepherds and in the investigator herself.
E] The "AIRhead Research," AIRhead Medical Research," "AIRhead
Legal Research" and "May We Recommend" columns present citations
and quotations culled from the world's more than 10,000 research
journals. Among the topics covered: sonographic detection of
swallowed toothpicks; the statistical analysis of dirty pictures;
auditory hallucinations in normal subject; Jell-O lasers; and a
legal question raised by new surgical techniques (specifically:
"How, indeed, does a man with a big penis act?"). The AIRhead
Project 2000 list presents details (and in some cases, photos) of:
Peace 2000 FM; 2000 Flushes toilet bowl cleaner; Oracle Workgroup
2000; the Anatidae 2000 conference; and the user manual for IBM's
Bedroom 2000.
D] A scientist from Rondebosch, South Africa (Michael Power)
publishes (as our cover photo) a photograph of a crab whose shell
resembles a good-natured gentleman.
C] Investigator Paul Dueweke of Palo Alto describes his childhood
(third grade) experiments that resulted in ants were induced to
evolve greater intelligence. Dueweke then describes the ethical
considerations that led him to reverse the experiment.
B] We publish [in miniature] a photo of the entire contents of a
curious US Government document entitled "Obliterating Animal
Carcasses With Explosives." The diagrams are thought-provoking,
to say the most.
A] Columnist Alice Shirell Kaswell reports on recent research
performed by supermodel/actress CINDY CRAWFORD on the subject of
men, and recent engineering work performed by supermodel/actress
ELIZABETH HURLEY. The data are culled from reports in the
research journal REDBOOK.
AIR includes these full articles and much more.
We invite you to subscribe and become an official AIRhead.
We also, of course, invite and implore you to submit your own
research for publication.
-------------------------------------------------------
1995-11-04 Ig Nobel Update: Dear Idiot
What happens to an Ig Nobel Prizewinner after he or she has
reached the pinnacle of suscess? Here is news about, or
pertaining to, the 1995 Ig Nobel Prizewinners, who were honored at
the fifth First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony held October 6 at
Harvard.
PHYSICS The British press has assaulted -- most unfairly in our
view -- this year's physics prize winners. D.M.R. Georget, R.
Parker, and A.C. Smith, of the Institute of Food Research, in
Norwich, England, won the Prize for their report entitled 'A Study
of the Effects of Water Content on the Compaction Behaviour of
Breakfast Cereal Flakes" [which was published in the research
journal "Powder Technology," November, 1994, vol. 81, no. 2, pp.
189-96].
The October 18 issue of the noted British tabloid newspaper "The
Sun" featured a hard-hitting investigative photograph of a naked
lovely woman named Emma. Next to it (the significance of the page
layout is not clear to us) is a hard-hitting investigative article
that begins:
Barmy Scientists have spent 100,000 pounds of taxpayers'
money finding out why cornflakes go soggy when you pour milk
on them. Three boffins carried out a two-year study into
"the effects of water content on the compaction behavior of
breakfast [sic] flakes"...
But now the Sun is launching its own Bran of Britain contest
to see if our cereal-chomping young readers can do better.
We'll give away boxes of cornflakes for the best 100 answers
to the crunch question.
Last night, the potty project -- funded by the Ministry of
Agriculture -- had critics going crackle and pop. Labour
spokesman Gavin Stang branded it a big break-farce and
snapped: "It's hard to see how this use of taxpayers' money
can be justified."
Cornflake giant Kellogg declared: "Our cereals are eaten too
quickly to go soggy"...
The also noted tabloid newspaper "Daily Star" went further than
"The Sun," reporting -- incorrectly -- that the Ig Nobel Committee
"slammed" the cereal flake research for being "a waste of time."
This is patently not so. Ig Nobel Prizes are given to HONOR
achievements that "cannot or should not be reproduced. The Ig
Nobel Committee considers many of the prizewinning projects to be
both whimsical and wonderful. Most winners, including Georget,
Parker and Smith, graciously accept the honor in the same spirit.
Shame, shame on the Daily Star for disparaging the worth of flaky
research.
ECONOMICS Nick Leeson is apparently trading on the recognition
brought him by the Ig Nobel Prize. Leeson's trading activites at
Barings Bank won him a ahare of this year's economics prize (which
he shared with former treasurer Robert Citron of Orange County,
California). According to press reports, the scholarly publishing
house Little Brown will pay Lesson approximately 450,000 pounds to
write a book detailing his exploits.
MEDICINE We received a micro-duluge (one letter) of angry mail
from admirers of this year's Ig Nobel Medicine Prizewinners.
Marcia E. Buebel, David S. Shannahoff-Khalsa, and Michael R. Boyle
garnered an Ig for their invigorating study entitled "The Effects
of Unilateral Forced Nostril Breathing on Cognition" [published in
"International Journal of Neuroscience," vol. 57, 1991, pp. 239-
249.] Here is the letter, which we received in mid-October:
Dear Idiot:
Thank you so much for slandering an outstanding researcher
(Beubel and Shannahoff-Khalsa) ["forced unilateral nostril
breathing" paper]. So what if a cardiology group at UCLA
replicated their research. So what if our group used their
methodology and found it applicable to over 17 different
physiological parameters. So what if our cardiology group
found that their parameter was highly prognostic of coronary
artery disease (as done by nuclear medicine testing and
power spectral analysis of heart rate variability. After
all, what's a few million lives ?
So what if not taking the factor they found into
consideration INVALIDATES hundreds of prior papers in the
cognition literature as well.
The moron who picked their paper for the IGnoble Prize
deserves to have the kind of stuff that Beubel's paper may
have prevented (myocardial infarction, glaucoma,
hypertension).
You turn my stomach.
Dr. Josh Backon
The Hebrew University of Jerusalem
In case you missed seeing a list of the winners, you can obtain it
by sending email to INFO@IMPROB.COM
A full account of the ceremony, with photographs, will appear in
the Jan/Feb issue of AIR.
-------------------------------------------------
1995-11-05 Announcing: "Biggest Blowhard" Survey
As the journal of record for inflated research and personalities,
AIR is proud to announce a new survey to identify the biggest
blowhards in science, medicine and other fields. The biggest
blowhard in your field is "that person who, by his or her own
definition, has no peers."
This is a statistically unsound (i.e., typical) public opinion
survey. Therefore, the results will be released to the news
media.
We will publish a summary in a future issue of mini-AIR, and a
full account of the survey findings in a future issue of AIR
itself. [Yes, this is a cheap ply to get you to subscribe to
AIR.] The winning blowhards will be invited to attend next year's
Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony at Harvard, and to do so at their own
expense.
All survey responses will be kept confidential.
Please fill out the form below and email it to bourbaki@neu.edu or
mail it to AIR, PO Box 380853, Cambridge MA 02238 USA
1. What is your professional field?_____________________________
2. Who is the biggest blowhard in your
field?________________________
3. With what institution (if any) is this person
affiliated?___________________________________________
4.In what city dwelleth yon
blowhard?_________________________________
------------------------------------------------
1995-11-06 Nobel Laureate Hoffmann's Views on Junk Mail
[This is part of an interview that Marc Abrahams conducted with
Nobel Laureate (chemistry, 1981) Roald Hoffmann of Cornell
University. The full interview appears in the Nov/Dc issues (vol.
1, no. 6) of The Annals of Improbable Research.]
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH JUNK MAIL?
Junk mail is the mail that gives me the greatest pleasure in the
world, because I know immediately what to do with it.
YOU NEVER READ A SINGLE PIECE OF IT?
Oh, I read some of it.
WHICH DO YOU READ AND WHICH DON'T YOU?
Well, if they talk about sex after fifty I look at it. Im also
hoping always that someone is going to give me money for my
research. Sometimes that gets hidden in the junk mail envelopes,
you know.
THEN YOU DON'T MAKE ANY EFFORT TO PREVENT JUNK MAIL FROM COMING
IN?
No, no. I love it. I told you, its the greatest psychological
pleasure to throw it away.
--------------------------------------------------
1995-11-07 Call for Papers: Psychiatric Disorder Plagues
Every few years (some would say every few minutes), a new
psychological disorder is invented, named and described. Many of
these disorders then spread in epidemic fashion. In recent years,
the world has seen notable epidemics of Attention Deficit
Disorder, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress
Syndrome and Pre-Menstral Syndrome.
We are seeking well-researched reports detailing the spread of
one, several or (if you are ambitious) all of the most popular
epidemic psychological disorders that have afflicted mankind since
the days of Sigmund Freud.
Please use this handy disroder summary list in constructing your
data set:
1. Name of the disorder:___
2. Year that the disorder was officially named:___
3. Peak years of the plague:___
4. Geographical spread of the plague:___
5. Titles of best-selling how-to books describing the plague
for the general public (please include complete
bibliographic information, including retail price):___
-----------------------------------------------------------
1995-11-07 AIRhead Science Limericks
Our compendium of new (at least we hope that they are new) science
limericks continues to accrete. Here are this month's haphazardly
selected offerings of limerickian efforts and commentary.
Inspired, perhaps, by the Unabomber, reader Chris Marks composed
three original scientific limericks with the common theme of
"Explosions of Various Sizes". They appear, for easy reference, in
order ofincreasing magnitude of destruction:
A cautious young chemist named Mound
Was surprised (but not hurt) when he found
That A mixed with B
In the presence of C
Made a hole (ringed with dirt) in the ground.
[note; in this limerick, (r) represents the "registered" symbol]
A scientist working at Sandia(r)
Found a way to make larger bombs handier.
The result of a test
In the desert Southwest
Turned the land close at hand even sandier.
Great minds have been known to recite,
Or in papers they publish, to write
That before time began
There occurred a Big Bang --
But the theory has never been quite
completed.
Reader J.S. Notten writes:
"Please could you refrain from the 'sexist presentation 'Da-da'
for rhythmic measure? Dum (but not dumb) would be the appropriate
choice of phoneme for non-politically-incorrect-speech (NPIS).
NPIS is to be applied in conjunction with the rhythm method where
possible. Deliberate misuse of the sex-determinant phrase "Da-da"
leads to a harder life, and sleepless nights for scientists with
young children."
Reader Don Homuth, who claims that he is not the David Hormuth to
whom a limerick was attributed last month, but who wishes the
theoretical David Hormuth well, offers the following:
I really hold no one to blame
For the fact of mispellling my name.
I submitted my rhyme
With the hope that, in time,
My name would turn flame into fame.
Dr. Robert Stein sent us an essay about his adventures with
pharmaceutical sales representatives. After lamenting that the
drug companies no longer offer him free vacations to Hawaii, he
concluded with this heart-rending flourish:
The rep from the drug company
Offers gifts that are no use to me.
Of that junk do me spare!
Give me one year of AIR!
Till you do, go away! Let me be!
-------------------------------------------------------------
1995-11-08 AIRhead Project 2000
As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling
a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number
two thousand. The following items were randomly selected:
ITEM #8105 (submitted by investigator Don Fearn)
"CCR-2000," snow thrower manufactured by Toro.
ITEM #8108 (submitted by investigator John Gibbs)
"Web-2000," home page on the World Wide Web. It can be found at
http://www.web2000.com/
COLLECTION #40119 (submitted by investigator Martin Guth)
"2000," compact disk (Higher Octave Music HOMCD 7046) by Cusco
"SWITCHED ON BACH 2000," compact disk (Telarc CD-80323) by Wendy
Carlos, who was at one time known as Walter Carlos.
ITEM 604904-B (submitted by investigator Claire F. Stephens)
"KC in 2000," an active, party-hosting bid (whatever that means)
to hold the World Science Fiction Convention in Kansas City.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1995-11-09 May We Recommend...
Research reports that merit a trip to the library.
(These items are additional to the many which appear in AIR
itself.)
"The foot in ballet dancers: the importance of second toe length,"
by D.J. Ogilvie-Harris, M.M. Carr, and P.J. Fleming, "Foot & Ankle
International," vol. 16, no. 3, Mar 1995, pp. 144-7.
The abstract reads in part:
"Fifty-nine ballet dancers were examined for second toe length
with respect to great toe, calluses, and metatarsophalangeal
inflammation.... We conclude that there is no significantly more
ideal pattern of toe lengths for male ballet dancers, but females
with shorter second toes have fewer calluses and less daily foot
pain. Those with a longer second toe had a higher incidence of
hallux rigidus and correspondingly increased pain scores."
(Thanks to investigator Belinda Goodenough for bringing this to
our attention.)
------------------------------------------------------------
1995-11-10 AIRhead Events
[The most current version of this list can always be obtained
by sending e-mail to INFO@IMPROB.COM]
IG NOBEL ON SCIENCE FRIDAY Thurs afternoon, Nov 24
National Public Radio's "Talk of the Nation / Science Friday"
program will broadcast a recording of the 1995 Ig Nobel Prize
Ceremony. Consult your local NPR station for exact time.
MIT ALUMNI CLUB, Albany New York Thurs evening, Dec 14
INFO: Wendy Gilman: 518-443-5168 or 518-270-1882
GILMANW@CA.SUNYCENTRAL.EDU
AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, Baltimore Sun, Feb 11, 1996
Several of AIR's most distinguished authors will present their
research on "The Taxonomy of Barney," "Analysis of DNA Cologne,"
"Risk Assessment of Abduction by Aliens," "Studmuffins of
Science," and other topics at a special evening session.
FOLIO CONFERENCE, Los Angeles April 23-6, 1996
"Camshafts, Cindy Crawford and Beer: How to Make a Dull Topic
Interesting."
[Anyone if the LA area who would like to sponsor other AIRhead
events during the same week please email
marca@wilson.harvard.edu.]
If you would like to host an improbable research seminar / slide
show please get in touch with us.
>From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on
ABC Television's "World News Now" and International Public Radio's
"LIVING ON EARTH."
---------------------------------------------------------------
1995-11-11 WHAT IS AIR? (*)
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) is a splendidly subversive
science humor magazine produced by the founders and entire former
editorial staff (1955-1994) of "The Journal of Irreproducible
Results" and by other research scientists and other AIRheads from
around the world. AIR's co-founders are Marc Abrahams, who edited
the Journal from 1990-1994, and Alexander Kohn, who co-founded the
Journal in 1955 and was its editor until 1989. The editorial board
consists of more than 40 distinguished scientists from around the
world, including eight Nobel Laureates and a convicted felon.
Each October, AIR produces the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, honoring
people whose achievements "cannot or should not be reproduced."
[IMPORTANT -- AIR is IN NO WAY associated with the name "The
Journal of Irreproducible Results" or with the entity which now
owns that name.]
--------------------------------------
1995-11-12 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
Amaze your colleagues. Delight your friends. Impress yourself.
Subscribe to The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)!
Put more AIR in the lab, the classroom, the office, the waiting
room, the library, the living room, the restroom, ...the detention
center. And it makes a lovely gift of the most unexpected kind.
6 issues per year. Highly enriched, yet contains no cholesterol.
==============================================
Rates (in US dollars)
USA 1 year - $19.95 2 years - $34.95
Canada/Mexico 1 year - $27 2 years - $45
Overseas 1 year - $40 2 years - $70
[Copies of back issues are each $8 in the US,
$11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.]
Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or
Visa, Mastercard or Discover cards) to:
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX: 617-661-0927
air@improb.com
---------------------------
1995-11-13 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)
mini-AIR is an monthly electronic newsletter of overflow tidbits
from The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It is available
over the Internet, free of charge. To subscribe, send a brief E-
mail message to:
LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
---------------------------------------
To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR
To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR
To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying
which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated
950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706
::::: AIR extracts on USENET
The USENET newsgroup clari.feature.imprb_research presents a
syndicated weekly column of reports extracted from The Annals of
Improbable Research. [NOTE: This is available only if your
Internet site subscribes to the Clarinet newsgroups.]
---------------------------
1995-11-14 Our Address
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927
EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu
GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com
SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com
URL: http://www.improb.com/
We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it.
IF you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a
SASE in all printed correspondence.
---------------------------
1995-11-15 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts) wherever
appropriate. The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR.
B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes.
------------------------------------------------------------
(c) copyright 1995, The Annals of Improbable Research
------------------------------------------------------------
-------------
mini-AIRheads
-------------
EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu)
WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin
(ringo@leland.stanford.edu)
COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu)
ASSOCIATIVE EDITORS: Mark Dionne, Jane Patrick
CO-CONSPIRATORS: Michael Rissinger, Steve Anderson, Gary Dryfoos,
Greg Kinney, Deb Kreuze, Nicki Sorel, Mark Taylor
MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto
AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon
Glashow & William Lipscomb
============================================================
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