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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1996-03
March, 1996
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the
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A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR),
the journal of inflated research and personalities
================================================================
-----------------------------
1996-03-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
1996-03-01 Table of Contents
1996-03-02 mini-Housekeeping Items
1996-03-03 More Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:2
1996-03-04 The Persistence of Aliens
1996-03-06 PGP-Y Ill Advised
1996-03-06 Barney in a Jar
1996-03-07 The Mouse Paper Chronicles
1996-03-08 ANNOUNCING: The Sneaky Science Teacher Contest
1996-03-09 AIR Teacher's Guide
1996-03-10 Year of the Rat: Sino-American Political Science
1996-03-11 Hot AIR (Home Page) News Flashes
1996-03-12 Grail Holy Crusader
1996-03-13 AIRhead Project 2000
1996-03-14 Blather 2000 Conference
1996-03-15 May We Recommend...
1996-03-16 AIRhead Events
1996-03-17 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
1996-03-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)
1996-03-19 The Ig Nobel Video(*)
1996-03-20 Our Address (*)
1996-03-21 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
------------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-02 mini-Housekeeping Items
1. CALIFORNIA: The Improbable AIR California Tour is fast
approaching. If you would like to host an AIR event in California
in late April, please get in touch with us ASAP at
marca@wilson.harvard.edu
2. PRODUCTIVITY: We invite you to submit research papers (no
speculative essays, please) on the topic of Productivity, for
possible inclusion in AIR's special Productivity issue.
3. AAIR: Preparations are proceeding (in a manner known as
"apace") for creating the Association for the Advancement of
Improbable Research (AAIR). The main mechanism for joining AAIR
and finding fellow AAIR members will be via HOT AIR
(http://www.improb.com), our trendoid, award-winning home page.
For other Hot AIR news, see section 1996-03-11 below.
4. SPAM: One of our colleagues is seeking anyone who has studied
SPAM, for a book concerning all aspects of this 1992 Ig Nobel
Prize-winning luncheon meat. Send papers and/or leads to: Carolyn
Wyman, 15 Crescent St., Middletown, CT 06457 or cwyman@delphi.com,
or call/fax 860-346-2636.
5. THE HUB: Check out AIR's site on THE HUB, a major new
entertainment, comedy and science area starting on America Online.
Sign on to AOL and go to keyword: HUB; then to "The Other News."
----------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-03 More Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:2
AIR is a subversively educational print journal. The articles in
AIR are longer, more visual, and more xeroxible than the tiny
tidbits we publish in mini-AIR. Your career and personal life will
benefit from it when you subscribe, no doubt.
As mentioned last month, AIR vol. 2, no. 2, the March/April 1996
issue, is our annual Swimsuit Issue. Other highlights include:
"How to Review a Scientific Paper," by Edgar Reiger. The author
presents a handy, foolproof seven-point guide.
"Everything You Know is Wrong: Statistics and Medical Research,"
by Mark Hauswald and Dan Tandberg.
"Schedule of Upcoming UFO Sightings"
"Evolutionary Perspectives on the Common Mongrel," by Nick Kim.
(first of a 4-part series).
"Mondocentrism," by George Englebretson. The author explains how
his team of experts amassed proof once and for all that the earth
is the center of the universe.
"Cindy Crawford Discovers Breakfast." Our columnist Alice Shirrell
Kaswell reports on this and other findings culled from the
research journal "Cosmopolitan."
"End Results." A new regular column of genuine "conclusive
findings from the medical literature.
"Boys Will Be Boys." A new regular column of genuine "research by
and for adolescent males of all ages and sexes."
------------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-04 The Persistence of Aliens
AIR's editor was recently invited to join a live televised
discussion on the subject of kidnappings committed by
extraterrestrial beings. Upon arriving at the studio, our editor
found that the discussion was to be between him and a gentleman
named Eric. Eric is the attorney for Dr. John Mack, the Harvard
Medical School psychiatrist who received a 1993 Ig Nobel Prize in
Psychology "for his theory that people who believe they have been
kidnapped by aliens from outer space probably have." Eric told (or
perhaps more accurately -- demanded of) our editor that "You
should tell all the scientists to do research on this." Our editor
finds it interesting that Eric apparently sees The Annals of
Improbable Research as the best and most authoritative voice of
the science community. Respect breeds respect, and thus we pass
Eric's request on to you, with the hope that you will treat it as
seriously as the situation warrants.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-05 PGP-Y Ill Advised
Reader Andrew Rock has been investigating our foolproof data
security protocol, PGP-Y (Pretty Good Parasychology). He intuited
this missive to us:
"You were ill-advised to release the details of your PGP-Y --
"Pretty Good Parapsychology" protocol on an international mailing
list such as mini_AIR. US law prohibits the export of such highly
secure transmission technology, defining it as munitions. Your
proposal must await government-approved key espcrow [sic] systems
rumoured to be under consideration by the NSA. The approved
systems will prohibit the possession or transmission of ideas
beyond the imagination of government officers. Please do not
carelessly put the publication of AIR at risk while I have nearly
two years left on my subscription."
Investigator Trevor Green and a large team at the University of
Saskatchewan have also been laboring in the field. Green reports:
"After an initial trial period of PGP-Y within our department, we
have had some disappointing initial results. While the
transmission rate is nothing short of paraphenomenal, the security
mechanism is, alas, not wholly foolproof -- everything worked
fine, until my friend Steve started imagining that he was
intercepting the telepathically-transmitted data. We are sure that
this technical loophole may be overcome but wish to alert your
paranormal engineers to the oversight. Meanwhile, I am pleased to
report that the credit-card fraud charges against Steve will be
settled out of court."
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-06 Barney in a Jar
Thanks to those of you who attended the special AIR session at the
American Association for the Advancement of Science annual meeting
in Baltimore. One highlight was the dramatic presentation of a
newly discovered species of Barney (the dinosaur-like hominid
pretendosaurus barneyi). Investigators Earle Spamer and Ed Theriot
of the Academy of Natural Science (in Philadelphia) have captured
a specimen of what they believe to be an aquatic Barney. They
preserved it in formaldehyde and brought it to Baltimore for the
AAAS meeting. The Barney specimen is now back in Philadelphia at
the Academy of Natural Sciences, where it can be seen by school
groups and others. Visits must be arranged in advance by calling
Spamer or Theriot at 215-299-1000. A second specimen will be
exhibited during the upcoming AIR California Tour.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-07 The Mouse Paper Chronicles
In response to our continuing reports about mouse paper, reader
Darius Thabit reports that his research group finds that the pad
of paper must be turned upside-down; that the rougher cardboard
backing works best. However, this is at variance with the findings
from AIR's research facility at Harvard University. Repeated
trials show that the paper, not the cardboard backing, provides
better mouseball traction.
Reader Michael Hamilton has pursued an entirely different line of
research:
"After graduating from Moscow Senior High School (Moscow Idaho) in
the spring of '93 I trudged off to a small dorm room at Reed
College in Portland Oregon to set up my new computer.
Unfortunately I was without any type of mousepad. After trying
several items randomly chosen from around the room (pillows,
shoes, etc...), I hit upon what I believe to be the ultimate
mousepad, my high school graduation cap. Since then I have
obtained a more conventional mouse pad, but I continue to use the
cap most of the time."
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-08 ANNOUNCING: The Sneaky Science Teacher Contest
In the spirit of the AIR teacher's Guide (see the next section),
we announce the Sneaky Science Teacher Contest. The object is to
describe your best underhanded, sneaky, seductive technique for
getting kids (and adults) interested in science. This is an essay
contest (150 words max -- and yes, you can include photos if you
like). If you win, you will receive:
1. A year's subscription to AIR for your school library;
2. A copy of AIR's Special Ig Nobel Prize Issue
autographed by Nobel Laureate Sheldon Glashow;
3. Eternal enmity from many, many "educators"; and
4. Eternal gratitude and admiration from kids, parents,
teachers and others who enjoy curiousity and learning.
------------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-09 AIR Teacher's Guide
Due to popular demand, from time to time we reprint in mini-AIR
the Teacher's Guide that appears in every issue of The Annals of
Improbable Research (AIR). Here it is again:
* * *
Three out of five teachers agree: curiosity is a dangerous thing,
especially in students. If you are one of the other two teachers,
AIR and mini-AIR can be powerful tools. Choose your favorite
hAIR-raising article and give copies to your students. The
approach is simple. The scientist thinks that he (or she, or
whatever), of all people, has discovered something about how the
universe behaves. So:
* Is this scientist right -- and what does "right" mean, anyway?
* Can you think of even one different explanation that works
as well or better?
* Did the test really, really, truly, unquestionably, completely
test what the author thought he was testing?
* Is the scientist ruthlessly honest with himself about how well
his idea explains everything, or could he be suffering from
wishful thinking?
Kids are naturally good scientists. Help them stay that way.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-10 Year of the Rat: Sino-American Political Science
Investigator Ron Josephson of Washington, DC has compiled this
table of the Chinese birth years of US presidents. The data is
available here for anyone who has a use for it. Note that the
Chinese calendar runs in a 12 year cycle, so US presidents can
only be elected in the years of the rat, the dragon, or the
monkey. Until the time of F. D. Roosevelt, inaugurations were held
on March 20, in the next Chinese year (ox, snake, and rooster,
respectively). During FDR's term in office, inaugurations were
changed to January 20, which is usually still in the same Chinese
year as the presidential election (we make this assumption for the
table).
The reader may decide what is the significance of the table on a
particular president's administration. For example, several wars
(War of 1812, Mexican War, WWI, WWII, Vietnam, and Gulf War) broke
out after a president was elected in the year of the dragon.
Additionally, James Monroe, Andrew Jackson, and Teddy Roosevelt,
who all had a "dragon" election, were famous for saber rattling.
Some presidents elected in the year of the monkey have experienced
major scandals in their administrations.
Year Chinese year President Chinese year
Elected Inaugurated
1788 Monkey Washington Rooster
1792 Rat Washington Ox
1796 Dragon John Adams(2) Snake
1800 Monkey Jefferson Rooster
1804 Rat Jefferson Ox
1808 Dragon Madison Snake
1812 Monkey Madison Rooster
1816 Rat Monroe Ox
1820 Dragon Monroe Snake
1824 Monkey John Q.Adams(2) Rooster
1828 Rat Jackson Ox
1832 Dragon Jackson Snake
1836 Monkey VanBuren Rooster
1840 Rat W.H.Harrison(1) Ox
1844 Dragon Polk Snake
1848 Monkey Taylor(1) Rooster
1852 Rat Pierce Ox
1856 Dragon J.Buchanan Snake
1860 Monkey Lincoln Rooster
1864 Rat Lincoln(1) Ox
1868 Dragon Grant Snake
1872 Monkey Grant Rooster
1876 Rat Hayes(2) Ox
1880 Dragon Garfield(1) Snake
1884 Monkey Cleveland Rooster
1888 Rat B.Harrison Ox
1892 Dragon Cleveland Snake
1896 Monkey McKinley Rooster
1900 Rat McKinley(1) Ox
1904 Dragon T.Roosevelt Snake
1908 Monkey Taft Rooster
1912 Rat Wilson Ox
1916 Dragon Wilson Snake
1920 Monkey Harding(1) Rooster
1924 Rat Coolidge Ox
1928 Dragon Hoover Snake
1932 Monkey F.D.Roosevelt Rooster
1936 Rat F.D.Roosevelt Rat
1940 Dragon F.D.Roosevelt Dragon
1944 Monkey F.D.Roosevelt(1) Monkey
1948 Rat Truman Rat
1952 Dragon Eisenhower Dragon
1956 Monkey Eisenhower Monkey
1960 Rat Kennedy(1) Rat
1964 Dragon L.B.Johnson Dragon
1968 Monkey Nixon Monkey
1972 Rat Nixon(1) Rat
1976 Dragon Carter Dragon
1980 Monkey Reagan Monkey
1984 Rat Reagan Rat
1988 Dragon Bush Dragon
1992 Monkey Clinton Monkey
1996 Rat ???? Rat
Notes:
1. President did not serve full term due to death or resignation.
2. Winner of disputed election
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-11 Hot AIR (Home Page) News Flashes
[If you don't give a hoot about the web, just read the first two
micro-items in this mini-section.]
1. WON'T SUE MICROSOFT: Several readers have commented on the
resemblance between MicroSoft's Windows '95 logo and marilyn**4, a
colorful Warhol-ish rendering of AIR editorial board member
Marilyn vos Savant, which can be found in the Factory AIR section
of HotAIR (http://www.improb.com). Far from being a parody of the
Microsoft logo, marilyn**4 actually predates it by almost a year.
After careful consultation with legal, financial and schlock art
experts, HotAIR webmaster Amy Gorin has decided not to seek
redress. Andy Warhol has thus far not responded to our invitation
to comment on the matter.
2. BEEF, BEEF, BEEF: A special AAIR (Association for the
Advancement of Improbable Research) section will be appearing
later this month or early next. There will also be a much beefed-
up (to 2000 psi) section in Hot AIR devoted to AIRhead Project
2000. Vegetarians need not despair -- we plan to use a beefing
substitute.
3. GLOBAL WARMING: Hot AIR is getting even hotter. HotAIR is
utterly delighted to announce its inclusion in I*Way's listing of
the top 500 web sites on the internet. A link to I*Way's hall of
fame can be found at the bottom of the HotAIR top level page.
4. CONFUSION OF PROFUSION: A large number of people are
maintaining archives of mini-AIR back issues. This is good news,
but it apparently is wreaking havoc with various Internet search
engines, which are easily confused by multiple improbability.
Please be aware that we maintain a full archive as part of the Hot
AIR home page. To minimize confusion, if you plan, wish, want,
desire or yearn, for some reason, to maintain your own mini-AIR
archive, please drop an e-note (or a C-note) to our webmaster at
ringo@leland.stanford.edu and let her know.
-------------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-12 Grail Holy Crusader
Reader Gareth Penn is crusading in defense of some or all aspects
of the true Holy Grail or Grails. He writes:
"In reference to Steve Nadis's AIR 2:2 article on the Holy Grail
[which you mentioned in mini-AIR], you claim that 'Prior to this
report, the Grail was believed to be a unique item.' Let me quote
from Roger Sherman Loomis' 'Arthurian literature in the middle
ages' (Oxford University Press, 1959), p. 274: '...every student
of the Grail romances cannot help being struck most forcefully by
the astonishing disharmony, the consistent inconsistency, of those
strange narratives.' For example: in the Welsh Peredur, the
protagonist is treated to a pageant featuring *a hundred* Grails,
each bearing the severed head of a boar. I could go on, but I
think you get the idea: there is *no* repeat *no* canonical
description, source, purpose, motive, or even number of Grail or
Grails. The information you give out is derived from a profound
ignorance of medieval literature. Insofar as you purport to be
scientific, I think you have betrayed your readers by not
informing yourself of the subject about which you publish. The
statement, 'Prior to this report, the Grail was believed to be a
unique item,' is simply not truthful."
-------------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-13 AIRhead Project 2000
As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling
a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number
two thousand. The following items were randomly selected:
ITEM HAG-235 (submitted by investigator Duncan Philps-Tate)
"Air 2000," a small airline.
ITEM HAG-236 (submitted by investigator Mary Haller)
"Ulisse 2000," Alitalia's in-flight magazine.
ITEM HAG-237 (submitted by researcher Gary Evans)
"Eurofighter 2000," a joint UK/Germany/Spain project
to develop new fighter aircraft.
ITEM HAG-421 (submitted by investigator David Luckett)
"Vibromax 2000," a self-propelled road-base compacting machine.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-14 Blather 2000 Conference
Enough hot air has already been released to make it obvious that
Humankind must anticipate accelerating amounts of endless palaver
about how New Year's Eve December 31st 1999 isn't REALLY the End
of the 20th Century and how January 1st, 2000 isn't REALLY going
to be the First Day of the 21st Century. AIR will sponsor a
conference on "Blather 2000 -- Strategies to Avoid the Pedantry."
We will bring together the World's Leading Thinkers to debate and
make one big announcement about what the deal is, put their
statement into a widely-publicized Web Page, and then ask the
second-rate usage pundits, congenital columnists, and other
emitters of Sound 'n' Fury (TM) to just Shut Up About It.
If you have anything to say on the matter -- anything that hasn't
already been said -- please direct it to the Blather 2000
Conference chairman, Dr. Y. Foo <blather2k@mit.edu>
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-15 May We Recommend...
Research reports that merit a trip to the library.
(These items are additional to the many which appear in AIR
itself.)
"Avalanche dynamics in a pile of rice," V.Frette, K.Christensen,
P.Meakin, "Nature," vol. 379, no. 6560, p. 49. (Thanks to
investigator Gene Kleppinger for bringing this to our attention.)
"Partitioning behavior and off-flavor thresholds in cookies from
plastic packaging film printing ink compounds," G.W. Halek,
"Journal of Food Science," vol. 53, no. 6, Nov. 1, 1988, p. 1806.
(Thanks to investigator Donal Lyons for bringing this to our
attention.)
"Retching: its causes and management in prosthetic practice," M.J.
Faigenblum, "British Dental Journal," vol. 125, pp. 485-90.
(Thanks to investigator Curt Anderson for bringing this to our
attention.)
"Salivary Testosterone Levels in Left and Right Handed Adults,"
S.D. Moffat, E. Hampson, "Neuropsychologia," vol. 34, no. 3, Mar.
4, 1996, pp. 225-33. (Thanks to investigator Maureen E Bronson for
bringing this to our attention.)
"The Size of p-Branes," I. R. Klebanov and L. Thorlacius. This is
a physics preprint available on the World Wide Web at
http://xxx.lanl.gov/abs/hep-th/9510200
The authors point out something familiar to many readers: that the
1-brane (the D-instanton) exhibits point-like behavior, and in
fact is saturated by a single dilaton tadpole graph. (Thanks to
investigator Jeff Masten for bringing this to our attention.)
------------------------------------------------------------
1996-03-16 AIRhead Events
The most current version of this list can always be obtained
by sending e-mail to INFO@IMPROB.COM
If you would like to host an improbable research event, show
please send e-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu
FOLIO CONFERENCE, Los Angeles April 24, 1996
"Camshafts, Cindy Crawford and Beer: How to Make a Dull Topic
Interesting." The session is open only to conference registerees.
==> PLEASE NOTE: The schedule for the Improbable AIR California
Tour will be announced in the April mini-AIR.
Anyone in the LA, SD or SF areas who would like
to host AIRhead events during late April please
e-mail marca@wilson.harvard.edu ASAP!
MIT CLUB, Schenectady, NY June (exact date to be announced)
This is the event that was snowed out in December. Current odds
are 16-1 against another snowstorm, 2-1 against torrential rain.
For info: Wendy Gilman (gilmanw@sysadm.suny.edu) (518) 443-5180
1996 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY, Harvard University Thurs Oct 3
Tickets will go on sale in September
NORTHEAST ASSN FOR INSTITUTIONAL RESEARCH (NAIR) Sun, Nov 17
Princeton, NJ. For info: Brenda Bretz (bretz@dickinson.edu)
717-245-1316
>From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on
ABC Television's "World News Now" and Public Radio's "Living on
Earth."
--------------------------------------
1996-03-17 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
Amaze your colleagues. Delight your friends. Impress yourself.
Subscribe to The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)!
"AIR is one of the finest contributions to western
civilization.... AIR exposes the soft underbelly of
science -- and gives it a damn good tickling....
You can't afford to be left out."
-"Wired" magazine
==============================================
Rates (in US dollars)
USA 1 year - $19.95 2 years - $34.95
Canada/Mexico 1 year - $27 2 years - $45
Overseas 1 year - $40 2 years - $70
[Copies of back issues are each $8 in the US,
$11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.]
Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or
Visa, Mastercard or Discover cards) to:
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX: 617-661-0927
air@improb.com
-----------------------------------------------------
1996-03-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)
mini-AIR is an monthly electronic newsletter of overflow tidbits
from The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It is available over
the Internet, free of charge. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail
message to:
LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
---------------------------------------
To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR
To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR
To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying
which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated
950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706
::::: AIR extracts on USENET
The USENET newsgroup clari.tw.columns.imprb_research presents a
syndicated weekly column of reports extracted from The Annals of
Improbable Research.
[NOTE: This is available only if your Internet site subscribes to
the Clarinet newsgroups.]
[ANOTHER NOTE: If you would like to have the print version of the
column appear in your campus newspaper, please e-mail
marca@wilson.harvard.edu]
-----------------------------------------------------
1996-03-19 The Ig Nobel Video(*)
The hour-long improbable video of the 1995 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony
is available (in standard US home video format only). Yes, it is
magnificent, and technically flawed in memorable ways. The price
is $19.95. Please add $5 shipping handling in the US, $10 in other
countries. (Massachusetts residents please add 5% sales tax.)
---------------------------
1996-03-20 Our Address (*)
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927
EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu
GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com
SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com
URL: http://www.improb.com/
We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it.
If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a
SASE in all printed correspondence.
---------------------------
1996-03-21 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever
appropriate. The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR.
B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes.
------------------------------------------------------------
(c) copyright 1996, The Annals of Improbable Research
------------------------------------------------------------
-------------
mini-AIRheads
-------------
EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu)
WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin
(ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http:/www.improb.com/
COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu)
ASSOCIATIVE EDITORS: Mark Dionne, Jane Patrick
CO-CONSPIRATORS: Michael Rissinger, Steve Anderson, Gary Dryfoos,
Greg Kinney, Deb Kreuze, Nicki Sorel, Mark Taylor
MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto
AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon
Glashow & William Lipscomb
============================================================
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