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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1996-04
April, 1996
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the
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A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR),
the journal of inflated research and personalities
================================================================
-----------------------------
1996-04-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
1996-04-01 Table of Contents
1996-04-02 mini-Housekeeping Items
1996-04-03 Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:3
1996-04-04 Numbers Racket
1996-04-05 Cracker Jack Campaign
1996-04-06 Calling All Librarians
1996-04-07 Yearning for the Stars: This year's Ig Nobel Wannabe
1996-04-08 Clever Teachers, Not Sneaky Teachers
1996-04-09 Defective Quarks
1996-04-10 Genuine Genuinely Odd Units Project
1996-04-11 Woody Allen: a Nostradamus for Our Times
1996-04-12 Presidential Chinese Birth Year Snafu
1996-04-13 Hot AIR (Home Page) On the Rise
1996-04-14 Mouse Paper Chronicles: The Role of Ford
1996-04-15 AIRhead Project 2000
1996-04-16 May We Recommend...
1996-04-17 Recommended Reference Materials
1996-04-18 AIRhead Events
1996-04-19 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
1996-04-20 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)
1996-04-21 Our Address (*)
1996-04-22 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
et in touch! (If you
would like to sell ads for the Ig Nobel ceremony program, please
get in touch ASAP!)
----------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-03 Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:3
AIR is a subversively educational print journal. The articles in
AIR are longer, more visual, and more xeroxible than the tiny
tidbits we publish in mini-AIR. Your career and personal life will
benefit from it when you subscribe, no doubt.
AIR vol. 2, no. 3, the May/June 1996 issue, includes a useless
free Survey Form that you will find utterly useful. Other
highlights include:
"Ask Symmetra," a new regular feature, in which
scientist/supermodel Symmetra (who is an MIT graduate), dispenses
advice. A memorable photo of Symmetra stretching in her laboratory
graces, enhances and defines the cover of this special issue of
AIR. We expect it to become a collector's item. [NOTE: the photo
will also appear fairly soon in our home page.]
"Improbable Lack of Irreproducibility in a Dodge Dart," by Len X.
Finegold. The author reports on a curious phenomenon: his 1971
Dodge Dart's consistent, sustained linear yearly drop in gas
mileage.
"Do People Answer Surveys?" by T. Robbins and A. Salti. In this
public opinion survey, we asked people the single question: "Do
you answer public opinion surveys?" The results are striking.
"Cafeteria Review: The Carnegie Mellon Faculty Cafeteria," by
Stephen Drew. This detailed report is a cautionary, if utterly
true, tale for anyone who is now, or ever will be, in the environs
of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
This and other deliciously indigestible reports will appear in
their full glory in issue 2:3 of AIR, a publication to which all
the best people, and many of the worst, subscribe.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-04 Numbers Racket
We now know that one of history's greatest arch-criminals got his
start as a mathematician. His career was an extraordinary one. He
was a man of good birth and excellent education, endowed by nature
with a phenomenal mathematical faculty. At the age of twenty-one
he wrote a treatise upon the binomial theorem, which has had a
European vogue. On the strength of it he won the mathematical
chair at one of our smaller universities, and had, to all
appearances, a most brilliant career before him. But the man had
hereditary tendencies of the most diabolical kind. A criminal
strain ran in his blood, which, instead of being modified, was
increased and rendered infinitely more dangerous by his
extraordinary mental powers. We speak, of course, of the late,
unlamented Professor Moriarty.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-05 Cracker Jack Campaign
Like everyone connected with science, the editors of The Annals of
Improbable Research grew up with Cracker Jacks, the moderately
edible snack food with a toy surprise in every box. We have been
carefully monitoring the state of Cracker Jacks. The situation is
not a happy one. Whereas in the past many of the prizes were nifty
plastic toys, some of which had moving parts AND were intriguing
to assemble, the prizes these days are hardly worth calling
prizes. Most of them are sappy little stick-on or rub-off slogans
which make reference to a movie or to some other product that we
presumably should go and spend money on.
This degradation of prizes is a threat to the future of basic
science and technology research. Without good Cracker Jacks prizes
to yearn for and play with, children will no longer want to grow
up to be scientists and engineers.
We urge you to take action. Save the future of science. Write a
pleading letter to:
Chief Operating Airhead
Cracker Jacks Division
Borden, Inc.
Columbus, OH 43215
The little slogan on the side of each Cracker Jacks box says "If
it's Borden -- it's got to be good." Please remind Borden of their
vow.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-06 Calling All Librarians
We would like to compile a list of all libraries that subscribe to
AIR. The list will be maintained in our home page so that anyone
who wants to find a nearby source of improbable reserach news will
be able to find one.
If your library subscribes to AIR, please drop us a note at
marca@wilson.harvard.edu
[If you also supply us with the URL of your library's home page,
we will include a link from our listing.]
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-07 Yearning for the Stars: This year's Ig Nobel Wannabe
Last year an animal rights activist group tried to claim that it
was giving out Ig Nobel Prizes (see mini-AIR 1995-01). Now a man
in Illinois is proclaiming that he will be giving out an Ig Nobel
Prize. If you hear of any other groups or individuals that plan to
give out Ig Nobel Prizes, please drop us a line. We will then
invite all these people to a party (organized at their own
expense) at which they can gather and chew both the fat and each
other.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-08 Clever Teachers, Not Sneaky Teachers
Several science teachers have informed us that they would endanger
their careers if they were to win something called "The Sneaky
Science Teacher Contest." Therefore, we are renaming the contest.
We hereby announce the Most Clever Science Teacher Contest.
The object is to describe your best clever, underhanded and yes --
sneaky -- technique for getting kids (and adults) interested in
science. This is an essay contest (150 words max -- and yes, you
can include photos if you like). If you win, you will receive:
1. A year's subscription to AIR for your school library;
2. A copy of AIR's Special Ig Nobel Prize Issue
autographed by Nobel Laureate Sheldon Glashow;
3. Eternal enmity from many, many "educators"; and
4. Eternal gratitude and admiration from kids, parents,
teachers and others who enjoy curiousity and learning.
------------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-09 Defective Quarks
We have received word that defective quarks (our informant calls
them "Joycean, not Gell-Mannian") are being distributed in
Switzerland. Until and unless the report is verified, and until
someone figures out what this means, we urge caution and
discourage panic.
------------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-10 Genuine Genuinely Odd Units Project
We are compiling a list of odd but genuine units of measurement.
The project was inspired by the perhaps apocryphal unit used in
the garbage industry: the Hoffa. If you have know of a genuine
genuinely odd unit of measurement -- AND CAN DOCUMENT IT -- please
mail or fax the documentation to:
Genuine Genuinely Odd Units Project
Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853
Cambridge MA 02228 USA FAX:617-661-0927
(If yuo would like acknowledgment that we received the
documentation, please include your e-mail address.)
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-11 Woody Allen: a Nostradamus for Our Times
In the movie "Sleeper," Woody Allen and Diane Keaton laughed, from
their vantage point in the far future, at how foolish the
twentieth century was not to realize the beneficial value of junk
food. Thanks to researchers Lillian M. Ingster and Manning
Feinleib of the National Center for Health Statistics, we now know
that Allen and Keaton were correct.
Ingster and Feinleib's much heralded recent report says that junk
food may be a major contributing factor to the 30-year decline in
the percentage of deaths attributed to heart problems. The reason,
they say, is that many artifical flavors contain salicyates -
chemicals related to aspirin - and aspirin is known to reduce
heart attacks. We encourage researchers in all fields to examine
other Woody Allen movies for additional prescient messages.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-12 Presidential Chinese Birth Year Snafu
Many readers recognized that a statistical column in the last
issue was mislabeled. Reader Edward Borasky perhaps put it best:
"Too bad -- I was really looking forward to seeing the
distribution of birthyears mod 12 of the Presidents. I suppose I
can dig through the almanac for it myself. But then it wouldn't be
irreproducible or even improbable. On a lighter note, were you
aware that Lotus 1-2-3, Release 2.4, at least the version burned
into the ROM of my HP100LX Palmtop PC, believes that 1900 was a
leap year and that there was a 29-Feb-00? Sad, but true.
Improbable but reproducible."
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-13 Hot AIR (Home Page) On the Rise
The all-volunteer international corps of Hot Air technopersons
(Bravo to them and long may they live!) has been hard at work
adding beef (non-British), mutton, stout, melanin and other
popular items to our home page. Henceforth, you can expect to see
significant smatterings of new material in Hot AIR every few weeks
(this will eventually increase to every few days). Other items may
disappear before your very eyes. Science will be on the march and
in the swim. A few highlights: the Ig Nobel Prize archives;
condensed articles and pre-digested photos from AIR (the magazine,
that "magnificent beast of a rag"); (soon!) a burgeoning AIRhead
2000 archive; the Hall of Bearded Men; etc.; etc.; and et cetera.
Check it out every now and again. Hot AIR is at
http://www.improb.com
-------------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-14 Mouse Paper Chronicles: The Role of Ford
Investigator Frank J. Nice [his genuine name] sent in this report
in reference concerning our ongoing investigations of Mouse Paper:
"This is to inform you that I, personally, and my cat, Ford,
animally, have been involved in mousepad research in my garage at
home. I sent Ford out to the garage, and he waited patiently,
sometimes for hours, to perform his part of the research. At the
peak of his research participation, he killed six mice. To
preserve the parts of the mice that we needed for the research,
his research method was to rake the abdomens of his victims with
his claws and not eat his kills, thus preseving, of course, the
mouse pads of the mice. Thus, we felt we had obtained what we
believed to be the ultimate mousepads--mouse pads. Sadly, we have
to report that the mouse pads were not functional due to the
number that would be required and the operation necessary to join
all these tiny mouse pads into one functional mousepad. Ford is of
course saddened that he will not be the first cat to be listed as
an author on a research paper."
-------------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-15 AIRhead Project 2000
As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling
a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number
two thousand. The following items were randomly selected:
ITEM MF-101 (submitted by investigator Jim Stone)
"WEDDING 2000 MEGASEMINAR," a seminar in which nine professional
wedding photographers will gather in Washington DC and communicate
by satellite with photographers in 77 cities throughout North
America on Sunday, April 28. For details call 800-445-0492. The
receptionist answers with a pleasantly enunciated "Wedding 2000!"
ITEM WWWWW-202020202 (submitted by more than 20 investigators)
"WOMEN 2000," a professional development conference to be held on
May 4, sponsored by Simmons College and featuring O.J. Simpson
prosecutor Marcia Clark and humorist Jeane Kirkpatrick.
ITEM BG-45 (submitted by investigator Julia Ihlenfeldt)
"BOS 2000," the "newest, most modern, and clearly the most
sophisticated Blood Opeations System in any Blood Center in the
World." It was designed by The Blood Center and Anderson
Consulting.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-16 May We Recommend...
Research reports that merit a trip to the library.
(These items are additional to the many which appear in AIR
itself.)
"Taste Preference for Brussels Sprouts: An Informal Look," John
Trinkaus and Karen Dennis, "Psychological Reports," vol 69, no. 3,
partt 2, Special Issue, Dec 1991, pp. 1165-1166. (Thanks to
investigator Daniel Friedman for bringing this to our attention.)
The abstract reads in part:"Conducted an inquiry of the taste
preference of 442 baccalaureate business students for brussels
sprouts. Results reveal about a 50% dislike of the vegetable, a
40% indifference, and a 10% liking."
"The tale of the screaming hairy armadillo, the guinea pig and the
marginal value theorum," M.H.Cassini, A.Kacelnik and E.T.Segura,
"Animal Behaviour," vol. 39, no. 6, 1990, pp. 1030-50. (Thanks to
intrepid investigator Wendy Cooper for bringing this to our
attention.)
"Nuts Have No Hair," Walter Simon, "Classical and Quantum
Gravity," vol. 12, L125, 1995. (Thanks to investigator Simon Jones
for bringing this to our attention.)
------------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-17 Recommended Reference Materials
Publishers send us a large number of purportedly serious and
amusing books, videotapes, CDs, etc., presumably viewing us as an
inexpensive trash disposal service. However, a very few of the
items do turn out to be worth owning. From time to time we list
the genuinely valuable cream of the crop.
"The Sizesaurus," Stephen Strauss, Kodansha, New York, 1995. A
wonderful and funny compendium, history, guide and story book
about measurements, why they exist, what they mean, and how they
are used.
"American Sex Machines," Hoag Levins, Adams, Holbrook, MA, 1996.
An excruciating history of sex-related patents on file with the US
Patent Office.
------------------------------------------------------------
1996-04-18 AIRhead Events
The most current version of this list can always be obtained
by sending e-mail to INFO@IMPROB.COM
If you would like to host an improbable research event,
please send e-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu
AMERICAN SOCIETY OF BUSINESS PRESS EDITORS
FOLIO CONFERENCE
Century Plaza Hotel, Los Angeles April 24, 1996, 2:30
"Camshafts, Cindy Crawford and Beer: How to Make a Dull Topic
Interesting." [PLEASE NOTE: This session is open only to
conference registerees.]
==> PLEASE NOTE: To check for andy late updates to this schedule
send e-mail to our automatic-reply address:
info@improb.com
UCLA Wed Apr 24, 7:00 pm
Room 1457 in the Law building, which is near the northeast corner
of campus. Info: Eugene Volokh <VOLOKH@law.ucla.edu> (310) 206-392
THE SOCIETY OF FELLOWS
THE SCRIPPS RESEARCH INSTITUTE Fri Apr 26, 4:30 pm
Timken Amphitheater in the Green Hospital
Info: Cindy Fisher <fisher@scripps.edu> (619) 554-9796
CITY CLUB OF SAN DIEGO Sat Apr 27, 9 am
This morning event is sponsored by the City Club, but it will be
held AT THE PRINCESS RESORT. It is open to one and all,
but please call in advance to reserve seats: 619-687-3580
SAN DIEGO NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM Sun Apr 28, 4:30 pm
Info: <LIBSDNHM@CLASS.ORG> 619-232-3821
UC DAVIS Mon Apr 29, noon
The Mee Room of the Memorial Union.
Info: Carol Cruzan Morton <ccmorton@ucdavis.edu> 916-752-7704
STANFORD UNIV. Tues, Apr 30, 7:30 pm
Terman Auditorium, Terman Engineering Center, School of
Engineering. Info: Michele Armstrong
<rs.mma@forsythe.stanford.edu> (415) 723-1655
UC SANTA CRUZ Thurs May 2, 7:30 pm
Stevenson College room 150. This evening session will be open to
everyone. (There will be a separate afternoon event for students
in the science journalism program.)
Info: Christina Brown <scicom@cats.ucsc.edu> 408-459-4475
MIT CLUB, Schenectady, NY June (exact date to be announced)
This is the event that was snowed out in December. Current odds
are 16-1 against another snowstorm, 2-1 against torrential rain.
For info: Wendy Gilman (gilmanw@sysadm.suny.edu) (518) 443-5180
1996 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY, Harvard University Thurs Oct 3
Tickets for delegations and individuals will go on sale in
September.
NORTHEAST ASSN FOR INSTITUTIONAL RESEARCH (NAIR) Sun, Nov 17
Princeton, NJ. For info: Brenda Bretz (bretz@dickinson.edu)
717-245-1316
>From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on:
ABC Television's "World News Now"
Public Radio's "Living on Earth."
ELSEWHERE ON THE NET:
* Our home page ("Hot AIR") is at http:///www.improb.com
* AOL subscribers can see selected AIR articles
by signing on, then going to keyword "IMPROB"
* If your Internet provider subscribes to the Clarinet
newsgroups, you can read a special weekly column of
extracts from AIR.
--------------------------------------
1996-04-19 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
Amaze your colleagues. Delight your friends. Impress yourself.
Subscribe to The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)!
"AIR is one of the finest contributions to western
civilization.... AIR exposes the soft underbelly of
science -- and gives it a damn good tickling....
You can't afford to be left out."
-"Wired" magazine
==============================================
Rates (in US dollars)
USA 1 year - $19.95 2 years - $34.95
Canada/Mexico 1 year - $27 2 years - $45
Overseas 1 year - $40 2 years - $70
[Copies of back issues are each $8 in the US,
$11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.]
Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or
Visa, Mastercard or Discover cards) to:
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX: 617-661-0927
air@improb.com
-----------------------------------------------------
1996-04-20 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)
mini-AIR is an monthly electronic newsletter of overflow tidbits
from The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It is available over
the Internet, free of charge. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail
message to:
LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
---------------------------------------
To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR
To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR
To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying
which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated
950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706
::::: AIR extracts on USENET
The USENET newsgroup clari.tw.columns.imprb_research presents a
syndicated weekly column of reports extracted from The Annals of
Improbable Research.
[NOTE: This is available only if your Internet site subscribes to
the Clarinet newsgroups.]
[ANOTHER NOTE: If you would like to have the print version of the
column appear in your campus newspaper, please e-mail
marca@wilson.harvard.edu]
-----------------------------------------------------
1996-04-21 Our Address (*)
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927
EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu
GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com
SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com
URL: http://www.improb.com/
We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it.
If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a
SASE in all printed correspondence.
---------------------------
1996-04-22 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever
appropriate. The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR.
B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes.
------------------------------------------------------------
(c) copyright 1996, The Annals of Improbable Research
------------------------------------------------------------
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mini-AIRheads
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EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu)
WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin
(ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http:/www.improb.com/
COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu)
ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne
CHIEF RESEARCH LIBRARIAN: Michael Rissinger
CO-CONSPIRATORS: Steve Anderson, Gary Dryfoos, Greg Kinney, Deb
Kreuze, Nicki Sorel, Mark Taylor
MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto
AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon
Glashow & William Lipscomb
============================================================
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