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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1996-05
May, 1996
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the
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A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR),
the journal of inflated research and personalities
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1996-05-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
1996-05-01 Table of Contents
1996-05-02 mini-Housekeeping Items
1996-05-03 More Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:3
1996-05-04 Levels of Non-Meaning: The Recursive Hoax
1996-05-05 Blob Tourism
1996-05-06 Creationists vs Creators -- The Coming Battle
1996-05-07 Genuine Genuinely Odd Units Project
1996-05-08 More about the Mom and the Mastodon (and the babe)
1996-05-09 Timely Life of Leisure, and Blind Spots
1996-05-10 Defective Quark Details
1996-05-11 Hot AIR About Hot Air
1996-05-12 AIRhead Project 2000
1996-05-13 AIRhead Project 2000 -- Special Internet Supplement
1996-05-14 The Bug of 1900 (Update)
1996-05-15 May We Recommend...
1996-05-16 AIRhead Events
1996-05-17 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
1996-05-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)
1996-05-19 Our Address (*)
1996-05-20 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
------------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-02 mini-Housekeeping Items
1. IG NOBEL: It's time to send in nominations for the 1996 Ig
Nobel Prizes. All nomination info will be treated with strictest
confidence.
2. ANSWERS to two questions that we are asked incessantly:
a. How to submit an article for publication in AIR:
i. Write the article (or take the photo).
ii. Mail it in, accompanied by an adequately
stamped, self-addressed envelope.
b. This here is mini-AIR. But our best material -- heaps
of it -- is published in AIR, the print journal.
So talk someone into getting you a subscription.
3. COMPUTER IMPROBABILY: The new computer humor column written by
our esteemed(?) editor is now available (in brief form) at
http://www.datamation.com The full version is in "Datamation"
magazine.
----------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-03 More Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:3
AIR is a subversively educational print journal. The articles in
AIR are longer, more visual, and more xeroxible than the tiny
tidbits we publish in mini-AIR.
Here is a further list of items from AIR vol. 2, no. 3, the
May/June 1996 issue (the special Symmetra issue):
"Wine-Sharing in Church Services: A Public Health Nightmare," by
Anthony Greco. The author demonstrates the unpublicized health
hazards that arise when churchgoers all drink from the same
chalice. The effect persists whether or not the cup rim is wped
between sips.
"Diminishing Returns to Economic Education," by W.D. Walls. The
author examines economics student performance at the University of
Hong Kong. He finds an unexpected correlation: the more years of
economic education, the lower a student's performance on tests.
Nobel Laureate Sheldon Glashow's views concerning a banana.
Harold Dowd (with a "w," not a "u")'s appreciative profile of Mars
Seer Richard Hoagland, the man who discovered buildings, faces and
other valuables on the moon and on Mars.
A special, now-infamous "Puzzler Solution."
The "Spot The Typos' Contest.
"Claudia Schiffer Discovers." Alice Kaswell's column explores the
latest in supermodel/celebrity research, this time from the pages
of the research journal "Glamour."
This and other deliciously indigestible reports will appear in
their full glory in issue 2:3 of AIR, a publication to which all
the best people, and many of the worst, subscribe.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-04 Levels of Non-Meaning: The Recursive Hoax
What, indeed, is reality? Fed up with the persistence of pseudo-
scientific pseudo-scholarly claptrap and gibberish, Alan Sokal
submitted a load of intentionally utter nonsense to a
"prestigious" "cultural studies" journal. 'Tis a wonderful piece
of writing, indistinguishable from (and no less coherent than) the
articles it mocks. The journal, "Social Text," published this
wonderfully moronic prose in its May '96 issue. Sokal, a New York
University physicist, then wrote up the whole fiasco; he published
his expose in the magazine "Lingua Franca." All this has been
detailed in the general press.
But it may not be the whole story. We obtained a copy of "Social
Text" and commissioned a panel of scholars (one of whom is a
convicted felon) to read and deconstruct the text. The panel
concluded -- unanimously -- that the other articles in "Social
Text" are devoid of meaning and probably are themselves hoaxes.
Thus Professor Sokal, thinking that he was cleverly showing up
some rotten eggheads, was instead being suckered by a band of
jokers more clever than himself.
So bravo, bravo, bravo to the deadpan merry old pranksters who
call themselves "cultural studies scholars." Their many deadpan
statements to the press in recent days are further triumphs in the
grand dada style.
[TECHNICAL AFTERNOTE: For the sake of completeness, we now plan to
pulverize our copy of "Social Text," and flush the particles into
a particle accelerator. Our expectation is that this Deridaist-
Joycean-Gell-Mannian particle collision process will synthesize a
new word: "krock," which is derived from "krauq, which is a
backwards spelling of the word "quark."]
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-05 Blob Tourism
Where is the new "in" place for science tourists to go? The North
Atlantic Ocean, of course -- to visit The Blobs.
The Blobs are giant patches of warm or cold water that lazily
drift throughout the North Atlantic. With a lifetime of 3-10
years, each blobs sticks around long enough to gain its own
identity -- and its own group of admiring tourists.
The Blobs were identified by Donald Hansen of the University of
Miami and Hugo Bezdek of the National Ocianic and Atmospheric
Administration in Miami. (For details, see their report in the
April 15 issue of "Journal of Geophysical Research.")
If you want to visit the Blobs, we recommend that you go now,
before commercial tourism spoils their natural simplicity and
charm.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-06 Creationists vs Creators -- The Coming Battle
Get set for a lively -- nay, spirited -- battle between the
Creation Scientists (those who believe that the universe was
created exactly as described in the Bible, and who prefer to begin
the words "Creation" and "Science" with capital letters) and the
creator scientists (researchers who have generated life-like
entities in laboratories).
Several groups have created self-replicating molecules (little
bitty thingies that sometimes make copies of themselves). Some
people choose to call these things "sort-of forms of life" or
"precursers to life." New preparation techniques are popping up
all over. A new technique (see the May 2 issue of "Nature" for
details) devised by James Ferris and his team at Rensselaer, is
the first to make such thingies grow on moist surfaces rather than
inside pungent soups.
Some Creation Scientists are upset at Ferris and his ilk. Look for
the Creationists to file a preemptory patent battle -- soon --
with suits being filed on behalf of an unnamed Creator named "G.
Doe." On both sides, lawyers and scientists (or Scientists) are
gearing up, hunkering down, and xeroxing apace. All of them are
waiting, waiting, waiting for G. Doe.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-07 Genuine Genuinely Odd Units Project
Data is trickling in for our list of odd but genuine units of
measurement. Here is a random sampling. (We will publish a more
complete list in the Sept/Oct issue of AIR).
THE DUDLEY, a unit of height used by Woods Hole Oceanographic
Institute scientists to measure hydrothermal vents (also known as
"black smokers") that are found on the ocean floor. The unit
refers to the height of Dudley Foster, the 5' 8" pilot of the
underseas vehicle Alvin. (Submitted by investigator Maggie Rioux)
THE JOHNNY WALKER INCH, a unit of volume adopted by Malasian
freelance tin dredgers, who were paid by the amount of tin
concentrate they recovered. A Johnny Walker inch is the volume of
material that would fill an empty Johnny Wlaker whicky bottle to a
height of one inch.(Submitted by investigator Robin Hall)
THE MICROFORTNIGHT, a unit of time used in the documentation to
Digital Equipment Corporation's Open VMS operatin system.
(Submitted by investigators Paul Tomblin, Stan Gifford, Reece
Pollack and Roland Seidl)
THE SMOOT, a unit of length, defined to be the height of Oliver
Smoot Junior, used to measure the length of the Massachusetts
Avenue Bridge between Boston and Cambridge. The complete
measurement of the bridge also makes use of a related unit, THE
EAR. (Submitted by several dozen investigators)
THE STOUEVILLE, a unit of hotness used in classifying hot peppers.
Halipeno peppers are generally
THE GARN, a volumetric unit named after US Senator Jake Garn, who
flew on a space shuttle mission and spent much of that time
vomiting. (Submitted by investigator Paul Kolodner and several
others)
If you have know of a genuine genuinely odd unit of measurement --
AND CAN DOCUMENT IT -- please mail or fax the documentation to:
Genuine Genuinely Odd Units Project
Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853
Cambridge MA 02228 USA FAX:617-661-0927
(If you would like acknowledgment that we received the
documentation, please include your e-mail address.)
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-08 More about the Mom and the Mastodon (and the babe)
Concerning the endless saga of the mastodon, the paleo-mom and the
baby, new information (much of it conflicting) continues to pile
up:
The pachyderm let out a hoot,
Caught the babe at the end of its snoot,
Then gave back the infant
That very same instant
And vanished by some obscure route.
--Paul Koch
One reader showed a taste for melodrama:
It sailed right over yon beast,
And landed on leaves to the east,
With relief Mom did gasp,
'Til she noticed the asp
Preparing itself for a feast!
--J. Y. (Yosh) Mantinband
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-09 Timely Life of Leisure, and Blind Spots
Two, count em two, important developments are described in the May
21 issue of "The New York Times." Here are summaries, and some
implications.
1. Couch Potatoes may outlive us all. That's the conclusion one
can draw from an article (by Denise Grady) about McGill biologist
Siegfried Hekimi. Hekimi bred namatodes (a popular form of little
worms) that have lifepans five times as long as normal nematodes.
"These animals are as close to immortality as worms can get,"
Hekimi is quoted as saying. However, the worms are exceedingly
lethargic and dull -- in Hekimi's words, "they just lie there."
These worms have a special set of genes that are being described
as the keys to longevity. However, the genes may by just part of
the story. An alternative conclusion is that if a creature is
lucky enough to have these genes, then it can attain long life by
meticulously acting like a couch potato. If a combination of genes
AND relaxation is the key, then these may be cunningly lazy worms.
2. A new psychomedical business opportunity awaits. Transcranial
Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) is a technique that uses fluctuating
magnetic fields to try to map the brain. According to Sandra
Blakeslee's report, some researchers say that the device also
produces mood changes. If this can be refined, TMS is likely to
become a tool for many professional mood managers -- among them
psychiatrists, aromatherapists, and even poets. (This is also an
opportunity for the electronics industry to gain ascendency over
the pharmaceuticals giants.) However, at present it is difficult
to position the apparatus precisely (it generally goes over the
left or right eyebrow), and it is said to occasionally induce
brain seizures in healthy people. Call this the price of
happiness.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-10 Defective Quark Details
Last month, we reported that defective quarks had been distributed
in Switzerland. Now investigator Wolf Roden reports:
On the subject of DEFECTIVE QUARKS -- these are surely
neither Joycean nor Gell-Mannian, but genuine Swiss quarks.
"Quark" in German (and I must assume this is German-speaking
Switzerland) literally refers to milk curds or cottage
cheese. However, it is not credible the Swiss (of all
people) could distribute defective Swiss or any other kind
of cheese.
Investigator Jeffrey T. Cheney takes a more profitable approach:
I believe the defective Quarks, which are properly
identified as Gill-Ebrahimian, can be traced to a Denver,
Colorado based software company, which specializes in
Desktop Publishing. Updates may be obtained by calling
their Customer Service dept. at 800-788-7835 or by visiting
their website, <http://www.quark.com>.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-11 Hot AIR About Hot Air
Here's what's new in Hot AIR, our humble home page:
=> Most of the AIR cafeteria reviews are now posted (in trimmed-
down versions). We will soon be adding links to the actual
cafeteria sites.
=> Excerpts from various other AIR articles -- including the
premiere "Ask Symmetra" column. The now-famous AIR 2:3 cover photo
of Symmetra in her lab is also available.
=> An ever-expanding archive of Ig Nobel Prize info and photos.
And coming this summer: video snippets from Ig Nobel ceremonies
past.
=> Other things, which defy description.
Hot AIR is at http://www.improb.com
-------------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-12 AIRhead Project 2000
As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling
a list everything that has two thousand as part of its name.
The following items were randomly selected:
ITEM PPP-SMALL-ANIMAL-0401 (submitted by investigator Jesse Chang)
"2000 PRESS PAK PREMIUM COMPRESSED SMALL ANIMAL BEDDING,"
manufactured by Nature's Gold and sold in Woolworth's.
ITEM HOOEY8446-A (submitted by investigator Jeff Friedman)
"DIAGNOSTIC 2000," a brochure ofered by the accounting firm
of Coopers and Lybrand to describe a "methodology to
work with companies in evaluating the impact of Year 2000
on information systems."
ITEM HOOEY8446-B (submitted by investigator Jeff Friedman)
"TRANSITION 2000," a 3-stage approach described in the Coopers and
Lybrand brouchure "Diagnostic 2000."
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-13 AIRhead Project 2000 -- Special Internet Supplement
Investigator Jordan Brown recently received the following e-mail
message. The original sender shall remain nameless:
"Our local ISP has changed its name, so ... and I will be
changing our Email addresses. (Actually, the change has
already taken place, but the old domain name is good until
June 23, I think."
Old Names: ...@globalone.net, ...@globalone.net
New names: ...@global2000.net, ...@global2000.net
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-14 The Bug of 1900 (Update)
The Investigator David Brownridge sends this update on the turn-
of-the-century numerical difficulty:
"An item in the April issue of mini-AIR refers to the fact
that a particular version of Lotus-123 erroneously regards
the year 1900 as a leap year [as calculated by the @date()
and similar functions]. In fact this error is common to ALL
versions of 123, and also Lotus Symphony. The bug was
present in the first version of 123, and later versions had
to be bug-compatible with worksheets created by earlier
versions."
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-15 May We Recommend...
Research reports that merit a trip to the library.
(These items are additional to the many which appear in AIR
itself.)
"Female gait patterns: the influences of footwear," R.W. Soames
and A.A. Evans, Ergonomics, vol. 30, 1987, pp. 893-900. (Thanks to
investigator Karen Blair for bringing this to our attention.)
"Theoretical analysis of aggressive golf putts," J.F. Mahoney,
"Res. Q. Exercise Sport," vol. 53, 1983, pp. 165-72. (Thanks to
investigator Boland Hith for bringing this to our attention.)
------------------------------------------------------------
1996-05-16 AIRhead Events
==> PLEASE NOTE: To check for andy late updates to this schedule
send e-mail to our automatic-reply address:
info@improb.com
If you would like to host an improbable research event,
please send e-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu
MIT CLUB, Colonie, NY Mon June 17, 6:00 pm
Dinner and seminar/slide show on "improbable research and the Ig
Nobel Prizes." Joint meeting of the MIT Alumni Club and the
Northern Area Skeptics Club. All comers welcome.
PLEASE MAKE RESERVATIONS!
Info: Wendy Gilman (gilmanw@sysadm.suny.edu) (518) 443-5180
TEACHERS WORKSHOP TO EXPLORE INNOVATION Sat, Jun 22, 4:00
At Governor Dummer Academy in Massachusetts. Sponsored by the H.
Dudley Wright Foundation, Tufts University and Governor Dummer
Academy. INFO: Jamie Larsen <jllarsen@aol.com>
TEXAS MEDICAL SCHOOL, Houston Tues, Jul. 9, 1:00
Internal Medicine Dept. Grand Rounds special session.
1996 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY, Harvard University Thurs Oct 3
Tickets for delegations and individuals will go on sale in
September.
NORTHEAST ASSN FOR INSTITUTIONAL RESEARCH (NAIR) Sun, Nov 17
Princeton, NJ. For info: Brenda Bretz (bretz@dickinson.edu)
717-245-1316
>From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on:
ABC Television's "World News Now"
Public Radio's "Living on Earth."
ELSEWHERE ON THE NET:
* Our home page ("Hot AIR") is at http:///www.improb.com
* AOL subscribers can see selected AIR articles
by signing on, then going to keyword "IMPROB"
* If your Internet provider subscribes to the Clarinet
newsgroups, you can read a weekly column of
extracts from AIR: clari.tw.columns.imprb_research
--------------------------------------
1996-05-17 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
Amaze your colleagues. Delight your friends. Impress yourself.
Subscribe to The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)!
"AIR is one of the finest contributions to western
civilization.... AIR exposes the soft underbelly of
science -- and gives it a damn good tickling....
You can't afford to be left out."
-"Wired" magazine
==============================================
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-----------------------------------------------------
1996-05-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*)
mini-AIR is an monthly electronic newsletter of overflow tidbits
from The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It is available over
the Internet, free of charge. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail
message to:
LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
----------------------------
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To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR
To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying
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-----------------------------------------------------
1996-05-19 Our Address (*)
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927
EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu
GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com
SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com
URL: http://www.improb.com/
We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it.
If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a
SASE in all printed correspondence.
---------------------------
1996-05-20 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever
appropriate. The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR.
B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes.
------------------------------------------------------------
(c) copyright 1996, The Annals of Improbable Research
------------------------------------------------------------
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mini-AIRheads
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EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu)
WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin
(ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http:/www.improb.com/
COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu)
ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne
CHIEF RESEARCH LIBRARIAN: Michael Rissinger
CO-CONSPIRATORS: Steve Anderson, Gary Dryfoos, Greg Kinney, Deb
Kreuze, Nicki Sorel, Mark Taylor
MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto
AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon
Glashow & William Lipscomb
============================================================
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