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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1996-11
November, 1996
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the
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A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR),
the journal of inflated research and personalities
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1996-11-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
1996-11-01 Table of Contents
1996-11-02 mini Housekeeping Note
1996-11-03 What's New in AIR
1996-11-04 Cockroach Libretto
1996-11-05 The Anti-Anti-Antipodean Cat Campaign
1996-11-06 Announcing: The Museum of Improbable Research
1996-11-07 Foot Mixup Follow-Up
1996-11-08 Call for Improbable Science Gifts
1996-11-09 EDITORIAL: The Value of Homework
1996-11-10 AIRhead Project 2000
1996-11-11 May We Recommend...
1996-11-12 AIRhead Events
1996-11-13 How to Subscribe to AIR (*)
1996-11-14 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)
1996-11-15 Our Address (*)
1996-11-16 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
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1996-11-02 mini Housekeeping Note
Don't forget:
1a. You can HEAR a recording of this year's Ig Nobel Prize
Ceremony on NPR's "Talk of the Nation/Science Friday"
on November 29.
1b. You can SEE it on C-SPAN. The exact date(s) of the C-SPAN
broadcast have not been set, so check out their schedule at
http://www.c-span.org/schedule/longrang.htm
If you didn't have a party to watch the live cheesy Ig MBONE
broadcast last month, organize one now!
2. If you cannot resist the lure of a worthless free gift, see
section 1996-11-08 below.
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1996-11-03 What's New in AIR
Here are some alluring abstracts from the current issue of The
Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the indispensible,
indisposable print journal that's much more interesting than what
you're forced to read at work or school.
(The electronic document you are reading at this very moment is
mini-AIR, the diminutive supplement of things too teeny or tiny or
timely to fit in the real magazine.)
Volume 2, number 1 (the Nov/Dec 96 issue) of AIR is a special
Martian Meteorite Issue
"To Catch a Falling Star," by Scott Sandford and Randy Korotev.
The authors, at least one of whom was a member of the team that
found the notorious Meteorite From Mars, show photographs of their
novel method for spotting and catching meteorites that fall on
Antarctica. The techniques are borrowed from the sports of fishing
and baseball.
"Cafeteria Review: The Whitehead Institute," by Stephen Drew.
This hard-hitting review reveals the dining secrets of researchers
at one of hte world's leading biomedical research institutes. It
includes a photo of a hole that a frustrated kitchen worker
punched into a wall.
"Research Spotlight: The Economics of Washing Your Hair," by
Tanika Welp. The author presents a detailed summary of a masterful
treatise that appeared eleven years ago in the "Indian Economic
Journal." The original report contains lessons for all of us that
are as valuable today as they were when the original report was
loosed upon an eager world.
And much, much more...
Full text and illustrations of these and many other articles and
citations appear in the Nov/Dec AIR. As always, we liltingly
beseech you to subscribe -- and to submit your own research for
publication.
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1996-11-04 Cockroach Libretto
As mentioned above, if you were not one of the fortunate (?) 1200
organisms who crawled, or wiggled, or walked, or flew into the Ig
Nobel Prize Ceremony on Oct. 3 at Harvard's Sanders Theater, take
heart and catch the big broadcasts on Science Friday and C-SPAN.
The complete libretto of the "Lament Del Cockroach" (the infamous
mini-operetta for mezzo-sopranos and Nobel Laureates) is now
posted on our web site at http://www.improb.com
We suggest that you download the text so you can savor the words
while you watch or listen to the C-SPAN and NPR Science Friday
versions of the event.
A full report on the event, with lots of pictures and juicy
scientific gossip, will be published in the Jan/Feb 1997 issue of
The Annals of Improbable Research.
And yes, videotapes of the event are now available (for $20 plus
$5 shipping/handling in the US, $10 s/h elsewhere).
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1996-11-05 The Anti-Anti-Antipodean Cat Campaign
The following statement has been issued by Kate Eppers,
spokesperson for the Committee for Bacterial Rights:
"The Committee for Bacterial Rights has been following with
interest the campaign of Australian Parliament member Richard
Evans to eradicate cats from his native continent. Evans claims
that the approximately 18 million felines roaming Australia are
doing irreparable harm to other large animals. He points out that
cats are not native to Australia, having been introduced by
European settlers two centuries ago. The cats have learned to
breed like rabbits.
"The Committee for Bacterial Rights deplores Mr. Evans's campaign.
It is not just anti-cat. More fundamentally, it is anti-bacterial.
Cats, especially in their orifices and digestive organs, account
for the natural habitats of many bacterial species. While the cats
themselves are of debatable importance, to eliminate them would
leave untold billions of bacteria without suitable housing stock.
Therefore, please save the cats."
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1996-11-06 Announcing: The Museum of Improbable Research
We are please to announce the founding of The Museum of Improbable
Research. Located in a disused greenhouse atop a Harvard
University laboratory, the Museum houses what maybe the world's
largest collection of (inanimate) improbable research relics.
Visits are by appointment only. The staff recommends that you
schedule your visit for a cloudy day, as the average temperature
inside the facility on sunny days is quite impressive. The Museum
currently houses a variety of specimens, including several plastic
pink flamingos, a primitive hand-held optical scanner complete
with moving plastic eyeball, a Studmuffins of Science Calendar, a
crockery frog that sometimes croaks when lifted, a wind-up beetle,
a sealed packet of freeze-dried astronaut ice cream, the original
Internet Barbie, and two (at last, wistful count) tribbles. If you
have historic improbable research items you would like to donate
to the Museum, please contact us at <marca@wilson.harvard.edu> or
617-491-4437.
Special thanks to Dudley Herschbach for chairing the drive to find
a suitable home for the Museum.
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1996-11-07 Foot Mixup Follow-Up
We have but little progress to report regarding the grievous mix-
up with the plaster feet of the Nobel Laureates, feet that were
lovingly cast by scientist/supermodel Symmetra. The mix-up
occurred at the auction held as part of this year's Ig Nobel Prize
Ceremony on October 3.
We have located two people, each of whom claims to have purchased
the plaster cast of the left foot of Nobel Laureate Richard
Roberts. One is in actual possession of the foot, and thus has
behind him the strength of nine-tenths of the law. The other,
arguing with the weight of one tenth of the law, is a law student.
So far, discussions between the two parties have been somewhat
calm and polite. They have not yet entered the kicking and gouging
phase of the negotiation.
In response to our initial announcement of the mix-up, reader Al
Teich sent in the following suggestion:
"The obvious solution would be to cast another. This would
seem appropriate, since if Roberts is like most of us,
he has probably has two left feet anyway."
Ps. We have located the new owner of the left foot of Nobel
Laureate Dudley Herschbach, but have been unable to locate the new
owners of the left feet of Nobel Laureates Sheldon Glashow and
William Lipscomb or the owner of the foot (we're not sure which
one) of scientist/supermodel Symmetra. If you own one of these
feet, or if you know who does, please get in touch with us so that
we can update our Register of Historic Plaster Pedal Extremities.
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1996-11-08 Call for Improbable Science Gifts
With the holiday season (define that as you like) approaching, we
at the Annals are gathering a list of recommended improbable gifts
for those who love science. We are looking for things, regardless
of price range, quality, or anything else, that would truly
delight scientists (amateur, professional, honorary, or incipient)
who are mammals, who are either male or female, and whose ages
fall somewhere in the range 5-115. Think of this as a wish list
for things surprisingly wonderful and/or whimsical -- things that
actually exist. In other words: gifts that people will be
surprised and thrilled to receive. Hand-built scanning probe
microscope yes, Star Trek transporter no. "Studmuffins of Science"
calendar yes, "Dingell Does Dallas" video no. We will publish a
list of selected favorites next month.
[If you are the marketing director for a company that produces
something that, unbelievably wonderful though it is, would not
really be an improbably pleasing science gift item, please do NOT
send us your junk mail or your junk.]
* * *
FREE WORTHLESS GIFT: We have a small pile of deluxe miniature 1996
Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony posters, 11.5" x 7", white on black. If
you would like one, send us an adequately sized, ADEQUATELY
STAMPED envelope and we'll send you a mini-poster. What you do
with it after that is your affair.
Offer, such as it is, good while supply, such as it is, lasts.
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1996-11-09 EDITORIAL: The Value of Homework
Soon, thanks to the Draft Treaty on Intellectual Property in
Respect to Databases, everyone will know the value of homework.
Under terms of the treaty, which is now being negotiated in
Geneva, data will be recognized as property. People will control
whether others will be permitted to see their data, and decide the
price for permission to see it. Press accounts always mention two
obvious consequences:
1. Telephone companies will be able to prohibit anyone
putting phone books on the Internet; and
2. Professional sports leagues will own their scores
and other statistics.
These are minor matters.
More important effect is that students will now own all rights to
their homework. They will be able to charge anyone -- anyone --
who wants to see it. Any teacher who tries to look at a student's
problem set without the student's permission will be subject to
prosecution. Best of all, international law will protect anyone
faced with an overly difficult test. The exam answers will remain
the sole property of the student; no one else need ever see them.
So hurrah for the Draft Treaty on Intellectual Property in Respect
to Databases. Students will now see profit in doing their
homework, teachers will calculate how much they can afford to
assign, and tests will be suited exactly to students' needs and
wants. God bless the lawyers and the diplomats, yes indeed.
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1996-11-10 AIRhead Project 2000
As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling
a list of everything that has 2000 as part of its name.
ITEM #NOCAFFEINE-96 (submitted by investigator Richard Burnham)
"Twintron Electronic Retailer 2000," a very poor coffee machine
(according to investigator Burnham).
ITEM W-413 (submitted by investigator Kent Walker)
"USPA 2000," the strategic plan of the U.S. Parachute Association.
ITEM G-9104-a (submitted by investigator Jussi Karlgren)
"Bombkvartett 2000," multibarrel bomb launchers manufactured in
Sweden.
ITEM G-910b (submitted by investigator Jussi Karlgren)
"Bombbatteri 2000," multibarrel bomb launchers manufactured in
Sweden.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1996-11-11 May We Recommend...
Research reports that merit a trip to the library.
(These items are additional to the many which appear in the pages
of AIR itself.)
"Should Henrietta be punished or rewarded? The effects of name
desirability on responsibility attribution and sanction
assignment," S.G. Garwood, J.L.Sulzer, D.W. Levine, L.Cox, and V.
Kaplan, "Names," vol. 31, 1983, pp. 318-33. (Thanks to John Bell
for bringing this to our attention.)
"The glorification of parasitism," M.C. Hall, "Scientific
Monthly," vol. 33, 1931, pp. 45-52. (Thanks to Wendy Cooper for
bringing this and the next citation to our attention.)
"Flaccid trunk paralysis in free-ranging elephants (Loxodonta
africana) in Zimbabwe," N.D. Kock, S.A. Goedegebuure, E.P. Lane,
V. Lucke, D. Tyrell and M.D. Kock, Journal of Wildlife Diseases,"
vol. 30, no. 3, 1994, pp. 432-5.
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1996-11-12 AIRhead Events
==> Updates of this schedule are available from info@improb.com
Want to host an event? E-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu
NORTHEASTERN UNIVERSITY PHYSICS CLUB Thurs Nov 21
Improbable Research seminar and pizza.
For info: <bourbaki@neu.edu>
C-SPAN Date To Be Announced
Broadcast of an edited version of the 1996 Ig Nobel Prize
Ceremony. C-SPAN plan to broadcast it some time after the American
Presidential election -- that is, some time after November 5. For
exact date & time, call the C-SPAN hotline 202-628-2205 or consult
their web site http://c-span.org
TALK OF THE NATION/SCIENCE FRIDAY (NPR) Fri, Nov 29
Broadcast of an edited version of the 1996 Ig Ceremony. Check your
local NPR station for exact time. The broadcast will also be
posted on the SciFri home page.
AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, SEATTLE Mon. Feb. 17, '97
American Association for the Advancement Of Science will host
and/or tolerate a special evening presentation on "Improbable
Research and the Ig Nobel Prizes."
UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON mid-February, '97
Exact date/time to be announced. Anyone else in the greater
Seattle area who would like to host an improbable research event
please email <marca@wilson.harvard.edu>
HARVARD SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH GATHERING Fri, Mar. 7, '97
Special presentation, about improbable research and the Ig Nobel
Prizes, at the Harvard Faculty Club.
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1996-11-13 How to Subscribe to AIR (*)
Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print
journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not
just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading
here in mini-AIR)
...............................................................
Name:
Address:
Address:
City and State: Zip or postal code:
Country
Phone: FAX: E-mail:
...............................................................
USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39
Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US
Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US
[Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA,
$11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.]
...............................................................
Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or
Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to:
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improb.com
-----------------------------------------------------
1996-11-14 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)
What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny
version of AIR -- rather, it is overflow from the real magazine.
To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to:
LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
----------------------------
To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR
To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR
To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying
which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated
950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706
-----------------------------------------------------
1996-11-15 Our Address (*)
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927
EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu
GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com
SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com
WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improb.com/
We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it.
If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a
SASE in all printed correspondence.
>From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on
ABC Television's "World News Now" and Public Radio's "Living on
Earth."
ELSEWHERE ON THE NET:
* USENET:
a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research
* AOL: Special extracts are available. Goto keyword "IMPROB"
---------------------------
1996-11-16 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever
appropriate. The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR.
B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes.
------------------------------------------------------------
(c) copyright 1996, The Annals of Improbable Research
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mini-AIRheads
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EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu)
WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin
(ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http://www.improb.com/
COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu)
ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne
CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Craig Haggart, Deb Kreuze, Nicki
Sorel
MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto
AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon
Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts
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