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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1997-02
February, 1997
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the
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A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR),
the journal of inflated research and personalities
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1997-02-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
1997-02-01 Table of Contents
1997-02-02 mini Housekeeping Notes
1997-02-03 What's New in AIR
1997-02-04 AIR Chocolate Aphrodisiac Report
1997-02-05 Smartypants Survey Results
1997-02-06 Smartypants in their Own Words
1997-02-07 Mated Monikers
1997-02-08 In the Matter of Q
1997-02-09 The Slow Flow of History
1997-02-10 Gene Story Contest Winners
1997-02-11 Valentinian Research Findings
1997-02-12 Scientific Correctness: Zippy Travel
1997-02-13 AIRhead Project 2000
1997-02-14 May We Recommend
1997-02-15 AIRhead Events
1997-02-16 How to Subscribe to AIR (*)
1997-02-17 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)
1997-02-18 Our Address (*)
1997-02-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
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1997-02-02 mini Housekeeping Notes
1. A number of AIR events will take place this month in the
Seattle/Bellingham area. Please come (and heckle)!
2. If you'd like to host an AIR event in
a. upstate New York (Ithaca, Syracuse, etc) in April, or
b. the greater Louisville / Cincinnati area in May,
please get in touch with us <marca@wilson.harvard.edu> ASAP.
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1997-02-03 What's New in AIR
Here are some alluring abstracts from the next issue of The Annals
of Improbable Research (AIR).
Volume 3, number 2 (the Mar/Apr 97 issue) of AIR is our Annual
Swimsuit Issue -- complete with unexpected lavish photos of this
year's crop of scientific swimsuit sweeties.
Other features in the issue include (in addition to those listed
in last month's mini-AIR) include:
* The cover photo is Phil Bock's remarkable electronmicrograph of
a fossilized screaming meemies. (By month's end, this photo will
also be posted on our web site.)
* Dumplings on the March, by Seth Steinberg. A complete graphical
summary of the three great theories (Early, Classical, and
Unified) of dumplings -- where they came from, how they developed
and diversified, and how the various families relate.
* Princess Caroline Discovers, by Alice Shirrell Kaswell. A report
on recent substantial developments such as DNA alcoholic spring
water, Donna Karan's Chaos fragrance.
* Spoon Exacerbation of Anorexia Nervosa, by Deb Kreuze and T.
Foster Keck. In some anorexia treatment centers, patients are not
allowed to have mirrors. This clinical report identifies the
problems caused when such patients use spoons instead. The
distorted images produced by the spoons can be dangerous.
And much, much more...
Full text and illustrations of these and many other articles and
citations appear in the Mar/Apr AIR. mini-AIR (which you are
reading at this moment) is but a hint of what's in the print
publication. As always, we liltingly beseech you to subscribe to
the real thing -- and to submit your own research for publication.
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1997-02-04 AIR Chocolate Aphrodisiac Report
Is chocolate an aphrodisiac? Does it matter if you are male or
female? Does race have anything to do with it? Here are the
results of last month's AIR Poll on the matter.
54.83% of the males responding said yes, and 50% of the females
said yes. One correspondent asserted it was so potent that it even
worked when he was alone, while a second mentioned the sequelae
use of stimulating fetal movements (obviously she was not alone in
the purest sense). On the other hand, a solid 5% of the
respondents were concerned with how the chocolate was administered
(internally or externally), including one woman whose male
companion obtained and experimented with chocolate body paint.
A number of people were concerned with the source of the
chocolate. Without going into name brands (and ignoring the person
who reported having Hershey's kisses in both ears), Swiss
chocolate beat American chocolate 100% by those concerned (though
in fairness we must mention that the aforementioned body paint was
French).
The question of dark and bittersweet versus light (or milk
chocolate) was raised by many with the dark side coming out ahead
five to two. Related to this were single votes each for "grande
light-chocolate nonfat no-whip mocha," green M&M's, cheesecake and
keeping the lights on (this was not from the body paint people).
The matter of white chocolate was gone into, and emerged from.
Finally, there is the issue of race. We have no information on
this except for the report of a single individual who has assured
us wholeheartedly and (we believe) in all sincerity that chocolate
is indeed an aphrodisiac.
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1997-02-05 Smartypants Survey Results
Here, at last, are the results Project Smartypants. Project
Smartypants was a massive public survey effort to determine, once
and for all, which field of science has the smartest people.
Respondents
23% of the respondents identified their life fields as being
physics or physics related, 12% chemistry, 17% biology or
medicine, 11% math, 9% computer science. Many other fields were
represented but in smaller percentages.
In addition, we had a librarian, a kindergarten teacher and a
self-described penguinist. One person put down "reading" and one
was a medical school drop-out but married to a very sexy mate (no
photo included).
Most Intelligent
40% of the respondents rated physics folks as most intelligent.
15% chose mathematicians. Chemistry and biology were tied in
second place with 6%.
In addition there were individual votes for stock brokers, post-
modern philosophers, and school custodians (yes that was from our
kindergarten teacher who "who noticed that while I drive a Ford
Escort, our school custodian drives a Lincoln New Yorker!")
Comments
A number of people were kind enough not to just list the top
three, but supply more extensive rankings of many diverse fields
that they felt were important. These included, but in were no way
limited to: meter maids, pond scum, earwigs, business
administrators, and education researchers. The latter two ranked
near the bottom on most of the lists which included them.
Curiously many people felt that the bottom of the list was far
more interesting then the top, and were quite effusive in their
comments.
There were no lawyers anywhere on the list.
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1997-02-06 Smartypants in their Own Words
Here are some thoughts expressed by survey respondents.
Investigator Martyn Bull:
Post Modern Philosophers feel that all other disciplines which are
totally irrelevant and can only be studied by pre amoebic
lifeforms . I know a great deal about this since I share a house
with a Post Modern Philosopher, and several other co-amoeba.
Investigator Poa Ekeblad:
There seems to be a misunderstanding about the definition of
smart. The REAL definition is of course: Smart people avoid
complicated problems. Many scientists may be curious, intelligent
etc, but they shouldn't be considered SMART. Even finding an easy
field to investigate is quite a complex process.
Investigator Jim Kehrer:
The ranking is obvious based on supply and demand (i.e. the
smartest people go where the most money can be made).
Investigator Charlie Cerf:
I, for one, am quite uncertain whether business-school researchers
are dumber than education-school researchers. Perhaps not: the
former follow the dictum "those who can't, teach", while the
latter can't even teach.... More interesting than intelligence are
other qualities of personality. As the husband of a physician, I
have met many doctors. I have been disgusted by their almost
inhuman lack of the tendency to procrastinate.
Investigator Larry Turner:
At a meeting of the interdisciplinary Society for Religion in
Higher Education at Lake Forest, Illinois, in the mid-1960's, the
wife of another participant looked at my very young sons on the
beach and said, "With those large heads, they are going to be
physical scientists."
Investigator Carl Morrow:
There is published proof that botanists are definitely much more
likable and cuddly than many of their scientific counterparts.
(See the statement made by Howard Eves in 1969 that has been
quoted in the "UMAP Journal," vol. 17, no. 1, 1996, p. 94.)
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1997-02-07 Mated Monikers
Investigator Mike Sarakinsky requests that others take up the
baton in pursuing an unusual goal:
I noticed that many prominent anthropologists had double-barreled
surnames (Radcliffe-Brown, Levi-Strauss, Evans-Pritchard, Levy-
Bruhl, and a number of others) but I was unable to find any
sociologists with the same. I then did a survey amongst first year
students in both disciplines at the university (both had about
1000 first year students) and found that no sociology students,
and 23 anthropology students, had double-barreled surnames. I
concluded that people with double-barreled surnames were
genetically predisposed to becoming anthropologists. Can any other
discipline identify similar predisposing characteristics?
If you have data or pertinent observations of other kinds, please
send them to <marca@wilson.harvard.edu>. Please indicate whether
your own name is, or ever was, hyphenated.
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1997-02-08 In the Matter of Q
Investigator Lee Seldon reports an especially useful unit of
measurement:
When I was a med student in Germany, a neurology resident
explained the following to me -- with reference to a certain
Professor of Psychiatry, named Q -- "One Q is the effect of one
Professor Q upon one patient at a distance of one meter over one
minute" I've never forgotten this memorable unit.
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1997-02-09 The Slow Flow of History
Last month the world lost George W. Duffy, age 104, who was an
ambulance driver in the Great Boston Molasses Flood of 1919.
We are planning a celebration in 1999 for the 80th anniversary of
the Flood, complete with recreational activities for the children.
More details soon. Your suggestions will be welcomed.
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1997-02-10 Gene Story Contest Winners
Here are the winning stories submitted for our GENE STORY
ANTHOLOGY contest. Contestants were asked to write short stories -
- 100 words tops -- in which all nouns, verbs, adjectives and
adverbs are the names of genes or gene products (such as "sonic
hedgehog"). Some cheating was allowed -- it was okay to also use
"him," "her," is, etc. Both winners will receive a copy of The
Annals of Improbable Research specail Symmettra Issue (vol 2, no
3) autographed by scientist/supermodel Symmetra.
****************************
WINNER (1): Jonathan Epstein
****************************
GOLIATH CAN CAST a GEM farther than BEN HUR. At its APEX, the fast
OPAL HITA WHITE ANGEL. The ANGEL then BEAT a GALE. But the ANGEL's
BOSS, GOD, from AFAR CAN CALM the ANGEL. GOD FUSED the GAP between
GOLIATH, the ANGEL, and their ILK.
The names in this story come from eight different species.
(They are listed int the database Entrez, which is on the web at
http://www3.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/Entrez/.)
Drosophila melanogaster: goliath ben white angel beat boss fused
Homo sapiens: can CAST gem HuR fast GAP ILK CALM
Mus musculus: Apex
Haemophilus influenza: hitA galE
Neisseria gonorrhoeae: opal
Aspergillus niger: god
Rattus norvegicus: AFAR
**********************
WINNER (2): Jym Mohler
**********************
In the LOT behind CLUB ETHER-A-GOGO, AMY PRUNE's BREATHLESS TORSO
was SPLAYED in the GRAVEL. Her CROOKED-NECK was BENT over the
STONEWALL in an ABRUPT TWIST. Her REFRINGENT THRONG was
DISHEVELED and her WHITE-MOTTLED MINI UPTURNED . But no COPPER
would ARREST the DERANGED KILLER-OF-PRUNE. No CELL would HOLD-UP
that HEARTLESS SNAKE. For a SHOTGUN had REDUCED OSKAR's BIG-BRAIN
into STARDUST and FAINT-LITTLE-BALLS.
All the genes mentioned in this story are from Drosophila.
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1997-02-11 Valentinian Research Findings
Investigator John Bell has conducted some Valentine's Day
research.
"Mapping Desire - Geographies of Sexualities - Bell,D,
Valentine,G," J. Silk, "Area," vol. 28, no. 2, 1996, p. 245. This
is J. Silk's review of the book written by Bell and Valentine.
"Mainstream Legitimization of Homosexual Men Through Valentines
Day: Gift-Giving and Consumption Rituals," P.J. Newman, and R.R.
Nelson, "Journal of Homosexuality," vol. 31, no. 1-2, 1996, pp.
57-69. The abstract reads:
Recently, the gay community has received increased attention from
marketers through specially-made television commercials, direct
mail pieces, and other media messages, However, little research in
consumer behavior has examined the potential attitudinal and
behavioral differences and similarities between heterosexuals and
homosexuals, Specifically, this paper provides an exploratory look
at the meaning and practices surrounding the consumer ritual of
Valentine's Day from the perspective of homosexual men, Using
depth interviews within an interpretative framework, our research
suggests similarities exist for the celebration of Valentine's Day
between homosexual and heterosexual singles, while differences may
exist for the functions of Valentine's Day gift-giving between
these groups. Some homosexual couples feel they cannot
'legitimately participate' in the dominant rituals associated with
the holiday due to oppression by a 'heterosexual society'
Marketing implications are discussed.
"The Pleasure and Pain of Being Close - Men's Mixed Feelings About
Participation in Valentines-Day Gift Exchange," C. Otnes, J.A.
Ruth, C.C. Milbourne, and L. Burnett, "Advances in Consumer
Research," vol. 21, 1994, pp. 159-64.
The abstract reads:
Most studies examining gift-giving employ women in their samples.
This study focuses entirely upon men's attitudes toward a salient
holiday in America, that of Valentine's Day. Specifically, it
expands upon our earlier finding that men have different attitudes
toward the holiday and toward Valentine's Day gift-giving than
women. By a qualitative analysis of open-ended questions, we
examine what men believe about the purpose of Valentine's Day,
what they like most and least about the holiday, and why they did
or did not participate in gift-giving activities.
Investigator Bell also searched the database for articles with the
word 'love' in the title, with this result:
Science Index 185
Social Scientists 755
Arts and Humanities 1683
Bell raises the question: "Does this mean scientist are less
romantic, or are they are to busy doing it to write about it?"
-------------------------------------------------------------
1997-02-12 Scientific Correctness: Zippy Travel
Last month's SCIENTIFIC CORRECTNESS SURVEY is also this month's
scientific correctness survey. Responses continue to drift in at a
variety of speeds. The question is:
Is faster-than-light travel possible?
Please send your ballot to <marca@wilson.harvard.edu>. There is a
limit of one ballot per person. In light of delivery problems,
exceptions will be made for voters who are traveling at greater
than .9 c. We will publish the survey results next month.
-------------------------------------------------------------
1997-02-13 AIRhead Project 2000
Since June, 1994, we have been compiling a list of everything that
has 2000 as part of its name. Here is an item plucked from the
collection:
ITEM PP-06 (submitted by investigator Maryn McKenna)
"PLAN 2000," a plan by Power Plus Corporation (PPCO) to establish
a broad network of company owned "POWERFUL STUFF" stores across
North America. PPCO assures the public that its "stock is set for
DRAMATIC UPWARD MOVEMENT."
-----------------------------------------------------------
1997-02-14 May We Recommend
Research reports that merit a trip to the library.
(These items are additional to the many which appear in the pages
of AIR itself.)
FOR THE BIRDS
"Skylark optimal flight speeds for flying nowhere and somewhere,"
A. Henderstrom and T. Alerstam, Behavioral Ecology., vol. 7, no.
2, 1996, pp. 121-6. (Thanks to Adolf Ceska for bringing this to
our attention.)
MAD FOR THE MOVIES
"Images of Madness in the Films of Walt Disney," Allen Beveridge,
"Psychiatric Bulletin," vol. 20, 1966, pp. 618-620. (Thanks to
Steve Trimberger for bringing this to our attention)\.)
------------------------------------------------------------
1997-02-15 AIRhead Events
==> Updates of this schedule are available from info@improb.com
Want to host an event? E-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu
ROSCOE VANGUARD SOCIAL SCIFI CLUB, Wed Feb 12, 7:00 pm
SEATTLE
Seminar/slide show, followed by potluck dessert. All welcome but
please call or e-mail in advance as seating is limited.
For info: Luke McGuff 634-3828 <luko@oo.net>
"INTERNET CAFE" program on PBS television Fri Feb 14
A special show devoted to the topic "Weird Science" will feature
HotAIR webmaster (and Global Village Idiot) Amy Gorin and also
video clips of the most recent Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony.
AAAS ANNUAL MEETING, SEATTLE Mon. Feb. 17, 8:00 pm
SHERATON WEST BALLROOM A
The American Association for the Advancement Of Science.
Special AIR seminar devoted to science humor, intentional and
otherwise. Presenters include:
Marc Abrahams, editor, AIR, and chair, Ig Nobel Bd. of Governors
Karen Hopkin, creator, Studmuffins of Science Calendar
Steve Mirsky, "Anti-Gravity" columnist, Scientific American
Jeffrey Moran, U Missouri, composer: "50 Ways to Love Your Liver"
Robert Park, American Physical Society, author of "What's New"
UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON, SEATTLE Fri Feb 14, 2:30
The Chemistry building, Bagley 154
For info: Shanti Rao <sps@phys.washington.edu>
SIGMA XI, WESTERN WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY Tues Feb 18, 3:00
BELLINGHAM
For info: Lou Lippman <lippman@gonzo.cc.wwu.edu>
HARVARD SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH
DIVISION OF BIOLOGICAL SCIENCES RETREAT Fri, Mar. 7
Special seminar on improbable research and the Ig Nobel Prizes.
CORNELL UNIVERSITY April
Tentative mystery event. Anyone else in the area who would like to
host an improbable research event please email
<marca@wilson.harvard.edu>
SIGMA XI, Louisville, KY Monday, May 12
Info: Lawrence Gettleman <LMGETT01@ULKYVM.LOUISVILLE.EDU>
SEVENTH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY Thurs, Oct 9
Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. Tickets will go on sale in
August.
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1997-02-16 How to Subscribe to AIR (*)
Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print
journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not
just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading
here in mini-AIR)
...............................................................
Name:
Address:
Address:
City and State: Zip or postal code:
Country
Phone: FAX: E-mail:
...............................................................
USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39
Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US
Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US
[Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA,
$11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.]
...............................................................
Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or
Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to:
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improb.com
-----------------------------------------------------
1997-02-17 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)
What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny
version of AIR -- rather, it is overflow from the real magazine.
To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to:
LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
----------------------------
To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR
To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR
To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying
which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated
950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706
-----------------------------------------------------
1997-02-18 Our Address (*)
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927
EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu
GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com
SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com
WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improb.com/
Living on
Earth."
ELSEWHERE ON THE NET:
* USENET:
a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research
---------------------------
1997-02-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever
appropriate. The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR.
B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes.
------------------------------------------------------------
(c) copyright 1997, The Annals of Improbable Research
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-------------
mini-AIRheads
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EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu)
MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS: Wendy Mattson
WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin
(ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http://www.improb.com/
COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu)
ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne
CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Craig Haggart, Deb Kreuze, Nicki
Sorel
MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto
AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon
Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts
============================================================
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