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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1997-07
July, 1997
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the
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A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR),
the journal of inflated research and personalities
================================================================
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1997-07-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
1997-07-01 Table of Contents
1997-07-02 mini-Housekeeping Notes
1997-07-03 What's New in AIR
1997-07-04 Kokko Correction
1997-07-05 Tysonian Medicine
1997-07-06 Lost and Sexy
1997-07-07 Lava Lamps: The Flow Begins
1997-07-08 More Wombat 2000 Wonders
1997-07-09 The Return of Singmaster
1997-07-10 Singmaster Puzzle Solved
1997-07-11 The Commercial Exploitation of Space
1997-07-12 Chair Enhancement Prize: Anthropology
1997-07-13 AIRhead Project 2000
1997-07-14 May We Recommend
1997-07-15 AIRhead Events
1997-07-16 How to Subscribe to AIR (*)
1997-07-17 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)
1997-07-18 Our Address (*)
1997-07-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
----------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-02 mini-Housekeeping Notes
1. HMO Black Press Conference Wednesday July 30, 11 am.
At last! The long-awaited press conference to introduce our new
bogus HMO (health maintenance organization) will take place at
Harvard Medical School. Featuring scientist/supermodel Symmetra,
Nobel Laureates William Lipscomb, Dudley Herschbach, and others.
SEE "AIRhead EVENTS" SECTION BELOW FOR DETAILS.
Press contact: <marca@wilson.harvard.edu>
2. Ig Nobel Live Telecast Thursday Oct 9.
This year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony on October 9 will be televised
over the net via CU-SeeMe and the MBONE (and possibly also via
Real Video). Technical wizardry will be provided by Terranet
(www.terra.net), with oversight as usual from famed Internet felon
and AIR editorial board member Robert T. Morris. We are also
attempting to make available on demand on-line viewing of
highlights of previous year's ceremonies. More details in next
month's mini-AIR.
----------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-03 What's New in AIR
Here are some alluring abstracts from volume 3, number 4 (the
July/August 97 issue) of the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR).
3:4 is the special Peculiar Patent Issue. As we mentioned last
month, the cover features a shocking photo by Robert Richard Smith
of cloning researchers and
features a shocking photo by Robert Richard Smith of cloning
researchers,
as we mentioned last month.
Features (patent-related and otherwise) in the issue include:
"A Five Minute Wonder," by Thomas A. Reisner. The author presents
the full transcript of an 1825 stock prospectus for a pneumatic
railroad between London and Glasgow. Attaining speeds over 10,000
MPH, the train would have completed its journey in five minutes.
"The Grand Canyon -- Further Final Report and User's Guide," by
Earle Spamer. The author continues his work to preserve the Grand
Canyon by filling it with styrofoam packing piffles. He also
explains why people should help preserve the canyon by staying
away from it.
"Journeys (Sometimes) End in Lovers Meeting," by Tim Healey. This
instant classic of a scientific essay explores the various methods
by which two people can attempt to meet each other in a designated
place. The techniques are also applicable to fishing a bar of soap
from a full bathtub.
"Ask Symmetra," by scientist/supermodel Symmetra. In this edition
of her regular column, Symmetra formulates an infinite series for
calculating how to size up a boyfriend. The question of interest
is whether the boyfriend is or is not a big zero.
"A Stamp of Vanishingly Small Value," by Hildebrandt Wokkert. In
Germany did government a stately postage stamp decree. The stamp
honors the 200th anniversary of the founding of homeopathic
medicine. Homeopathy is the curious theory and practice of using
vanishingly small amounts of poison to attempt to cure disease.
"The Rise of Science Fear" (poem), by Brenda W. Quinn. This
haunting poem (which is accompanied by curiously disturbing, yet
lovely photographs) begins thusly:
Listen my children and you shall hear
Of a curious phenomenon -- science fear...
"HMO Black Newsletter." This time, our newsletter about managed
health care details the HMO Black Lite program. This program pays
doctors not to treat patients. Patients love the plan because it
saves them money -- as well as the inconvenience, humiliation, and
pain of undergoing medical tests and treatments.
"Spot the Bimbos Contest." This time, our ongoing Spot-the-Typos
Contest takes a new twist!
And much, much more...
Full text and illustrations of these and many other articles and
citations (including the full citation for "Monitoring
Electroejaculation in the Rhinoceros with Ultrasonography") appear
in the July/Aug issue of AIR.
[mini-AIR, which you are reading at this moment, is a tiny
*supplement* to what's in the print publication. As always, we
urge you to subscribe to the real thing -- and to submit your own
research and images for publication.]
-------------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-04 Kokko Correction
Last month we classified Kent S. Kokko erroneously. Kokko is, as
reported, the Kokko whose name graces the "The Kokko Collection of
Fine Patents," which was described in AIR 3:4. The problem is that
our description of Kokko used the invective "attorney." Kokko is
not a patent attorney -- rather, he is a patent agent. We
apologize for any damage this may have done to his reputation
and/or psyche.
-------------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-05 Tysonian Medicine
Just a few short weeks ago, boxer Mike Tyson bit off a portion of
the ear of his pugilistic opponent, the suddenly lightheaded
Evander Holyfield. Following the fight, a question came to
everyone's lips. That question is of course:
What does the medical research literature
tell us about the history of people biting off
other people's body parts?
Led by ace research librarian Judy Reingold, we have looked into
the matter. Here are a few medically sound bites of history. Any
one of them is cause for a recreational trip to the library.
"Salvage of the severely injured ear," I.M. Turpin et al., "Annals
of Plastic Surgery," vol. 21, no. 2, Aug. 1988, pp. 170-9. This
report deals with three cases, only one of which, alas, concerns
what the authors describe as "a human bite ear amputation."
"Human fight-bite injuries of the hand. A study of 100 cases
within 18 months," U. Mennon and C.J. Howells, "Journal of Hand
Surgery," vol. 16, no. 4, Nov. 1991, pp. 431-5. There is also a
report in the October, 1985 issue (vol. 23, no. 5) of the research
journal "Paraplegia," which alludes to several cases of people who
bit off their own fingers.
"Amputation of the nose resulting from human bites," B. Erichsen,
"Ugeskrift for Laeger [Copenhagen]," vol. 144, no. 11, Mar. 15,
1982, pp. 794-6. If you don't have time to digest the whole
report, we recommend instead "Amputation of the tip of the nose
resulting from human bites," M. Friedel, F. Schweitzer, and J.L.
Beziat, "Annales de Chirurgie Plastique," vol. 25, no. 3, 1980,
pp. 259-62.
Thinking big? Then sink your teeth into the report "Human bites of
the face," J.J. Tomasetti et al., "Journal of Oral Surgery," vol.
37, no. 8, Aug. 1979, pp. 565-8. If that doesn't satisfy your
intellectual hunger, by all means look up the all-inclusive "Human
bites: a review," M.J. Earley and A.F. Bardsley," British Journal
of Plastic Surgery," vol. 37, no. 4, Oct. 1984, pp. 458-62.
Finally, for those whose taste is lowbrow (or perhaps even lower),
there is the ever-popular report "Human Bites to the Penis," J.S.
Wolf, Jr., R. Gomez, and J.W. McAninch, "Journal of Urology," vol.
147, no. 5, May 1992, pp. 1265-7.
[NOTE: if you have a citation of a medical report concerning the
biting off by one person of a toe belonging to another person,
please send it in.]
-------------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-06 Lost and Sexy
As a service to the field of psychology, we hereby inaugurate a
series of significant research initiatives, to be collectively
know as the AIR Psychology Survey.
And, and, and.. as a further service to humanity, we have also
devised a meaningless phrase: "lost and sexy." We ask you to join
us in a grand experiment -- can the readers of mini-AIR, acting in
concert, get this attractive yet insipid phrase into general use?
Can we cause this phrase to start popping up in TV shows, movies,
magazines, and pop music videos?
So here is this month's survey question:
SURVEY QUESTION: When do you feel lost and sexy?
Please send your survey answer (25 words or fewer) to
<bourbaki@neu.edu>.
And please use the phrase "lost and sexy" as much as you can in
everyday conversation.
-------------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-07 Lava Lamps: The Flow Begins
Our call (spurred by L.L. investigator Karen Kreeger) for
information regarding lava lamp research produced a flow of molten
material. An enormous number of people (thanks to one and all,
except you Kenny Bloom) sent us copies of various articles about a
research project conducted by Landon Curt Noll, Robert G. Mende,
Jr., and Sanjeev Sisodiya at Silicon Graphics, Inc. Noll, Mende,
and Sanjeev used a lava lamp and a digitizing camera as the key
components of a random number generator. You can see the fruits of
their work at:
http://lavarand.sgi.com
>From the medical world comes a cautionary lava lamp tale:
"Acute renal toxicity after ingestion of Lava light liquid," T.B.
Erickson, S.E. Aks, R. Zabaneh, R. Reid, "Annals of Emergency
Medicine," vol. 27, no. 6, June 1996, pp. 781-4. (Thanks to Ian
Davis, Barry Gehm, Joyce Scrivner, and Walter W. Giesbrecht for
bringing this to our attention.) The abstract reads in part:
"A 65-year-old man with a history of alcohol abuse and seizure
disorder presented to the emergency department with altered mental
status, increased anion gap acidosis, phenytoin toxicity, and
acute kidney failure. The patient had ingested the liquid contents
of a Lava light.... After 3 days of declining mental status and
worsening kidney function, the patient required hemodialysis.
After a prolonged hospitalization, the patient was discharged home
with residual renal insufficiency. Although multifactorial, the
associated renal toxicity was most probably related to the low
molecular weight polyethylene glycol content of the lamp's liquid
contents."
For those whose interest is more in lava and less in lamps, may we
recommend the following research report:
"The 1928 eruption of Mount Etna volcano, Sicily, and the
destruction of the town of Mascali," A.M. Duncan, C. Dibben, D.K.
Chester, and J.E. Guest, "Disasters," vol. 20, no. 1, 1996, pp. 1-
20. (Thanks to Ian Davis for bringing this to our attention.)
In coming months, we will present further illumination from and on
the world of lava lamp research.
-------------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-08 More Wombat 2000 Wonders
In the 1997-05-17 issue of miniAIR, Investigator and Nobel
Laureate Sheldon Glashow asked, "why there is nothing called
'Wombat 2000?'" The question is based on a faulty assumption,
according to several wombat-2000-savvy readers. Here are some of
their claims.
Wombat 2000 is a foot race held annually in the parking lot of
Krogers supermarkets. Wombat 2000 is a quasi-secret campaign by
the English Test and County Cricket board to acquire a decent
national cricket team by importing good players from abroad.
Wombat 2000 is a limited-edition sport brougham. Wombat 2000 is a
Canadian house design that was wildly popular in the 70's. Wombat
2000 is associated with the Women's Mountain Bike and Tea Society
which is holding its annual Wombat Jamboree in Moab, Utah on 9-12
August. (Their brochure is inviting: "Enjoy four days of great
single track, wheel lofting and bunny hopping. Earl Grey, Lapsang
Souchang, and herbal teas will be available.")
Not all of the information people sent in was easy to digest. One
reader pointed out that Wombat 2000 should not be confused with
the "WOFAT 2000" a TV show that features stars of the old "Hawaii
Five-O" series) Another reader stated that Wombat 2000 is "an
insegregious repundage."
Australian astonomer Duncan Steel was incensed not about the
question, but about the results of the Wombat 2000 essay contest.
Steele writes:
"The prize-winning Wombat 2000 essay is wrong. Any good reference
on Australian fauna (e.g., the books I read my kids at bedtime)
will reveal the presence of the bunyip, which eats ANYTHING:
animate, inanimate, or mythological. Thus Wombat 2000 does have a
predator - but being a singular creature you are likely safe in
the United States. Nevertheless you should be wary of stories
invented by this 'Howard Schweber of Cornell University'; in fact,
Beware of Upstate New Yorkers Inventing Phooey."
More next time, perhaps.
-------------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-09 The Return of Singmaster
The Great Space Controversy -- should one use one space character
or two following a period? -- initiated by David Singmaster
continues. Here is a brief version of Professor Singmaster's
response to his critics. (More from the critics next time,
perhaps.)
"I am intrigued by the number of vehement responses generated by
my comment. For non-proportionally spaced fonts, e.g. courier or
ordinary VDU use, it seems that two spaces after a period is
certainly common, though not universal, despite its being logical
if one agrees to the point that sentences deserve greater spacing
than words.
"However, some respondents stated that this was no longer
necessary with proportionally spaced fonts. I beg to differ and
claim that it is even more important with proportionally spaced
fonts. Admittedly, the period is placed to the left of its space,
but the space allocated for both a period and a space is so much
smaller than for most letters, that the spacing between a period,
followed by a single space, and the following letter is often
smaller than the space occupied by the letters on either side.
"As a mathematician, the problems of typesetting and of typing
mathematical text have made me aware of the problems of legibility
of typescript and I am not convinced that typographers have got it
right. Indeed Don Knuth was forced to write TEX because his
publisher (Addison-Wesley) could not adequately typeset his work."
DAVID SINGMASTER,
Professor of Mathematics and Metagrobologist
School of Computing, Information Systems and Mathematics
Southbank University, London
email: zingmast or David.Singmaster@sbu.ac.uk
-------------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-10 Singmaster Puzzle Solved
David Singmaster's original letter inspired not only a skirmish
about space, but also a spate of inquiries as to the meaning of
the word "metagrobologist" The word is absent from many
dictionaries. Professor Singmaster has kindly supplied an
explanation. Here it is:
"The Oxford English Dictionary's entry for METAGROBOLIZE describes
it as humorous. Rabelais used metagaboulizer and Cotgrave
translates it as "to dunce upon, to puzzle, or (too much) beate
the braines about" and the OED gives: To puzzle, mystify; To
puzzle out. Kipling used the word in 1899, which is the latest
citation given in the OED... The noun has been adopted by a number
of puzzlers as a term for one who does and makes puzzles."
-------------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-11 The Commercial Exploitation of Space
Investigator Tracy Tibedo, for one, was quick to spot the
commercial opportunities presented by the Singmaster space race.
Behold what Singmaster, via Tibedo, hath wrought:
There has been much to do
About using one space or two.
When at sentence end
Upon the period we can depend.
But after that who knows
How many spaces will go.
A consulting service I shall be
To help other people like me.
Who can't go on and are stuck in space
Whenever they see a period in place.
I will guide them through this difficult phase
that they will face each and every day.
So call me for space advice.
I'll read your stuff twice
And for a large fee
I'll tell you what you need
One space or two
I'll tell you what to do.
NOTE for those in need: Tibedo can be reached at
<tracy.tibedo@cytyc.com>
----------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-12 Chair Enhancement Prize: Anthropology
This month's Chair Enhancement Prize Program is focused on the
field of: ANTHROPOLOGY. The campaign supplies department chair-
individuals with highly desirable cheapo Prizes which they can
bestow on especially honor-worthy faculty, students, or others.
The program is simple:
You send us the name and departmental mailing address of your
deserving department chair, and we will send her/him a copy of AIR
--and a special Certificate of Existence-- suitable for
presentation to somebody or other.
-------------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-13 AIRhead Project 2000
Since June, 1994, we have been compiling a list of everything that
has 2000 as part of its name. Here are some items plucked randomly
from the collection:
ITEM YOURHEAD-8921 (submitted by investigator Darren Galpin)
"Minehead 2000," a plan to build a new pier in Minehead, England.
ITEM DIGHERE-293874 (submitted by investigator Jerry Levinson)
"Gravefinder 2000," an interactive touchscreen directory that
helps cemetary visitors locate the resting places of loved ones.
ITEM GUM-O-TRON-1b (submitted by investigator Linda Sohl)
"Mint-O-Matic 2000," a small vending machine that dispenses
peppermint patties.
-----------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-14 May We Recommend
Research reports that merit a trip to the library.
(These items are additional to the many, many which appear in the
pages of AIR itself.)
"Sea-Floor Depth and the Lake Wobegon Effect," Seth Stein and
Carol A. Stein, "Science," vol. 275, March 1997, pp. 1613-4.
(Thanks to Donald W. Schaffner for bringing this to our
attention.)
"Induction of ear wiggling in the estrous female rat by
gonadectomized rats treated with androgens and estrogens," J.T.M.
Vreeburg and M.P. Ooms, "Hormones and Behavior," vol. 19, 1985,
pp. 231-6. (Thanks to Wendy Cooper for bringing this to our
attention.)
------------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-15 AIRhead Events
==> Updates of this schedule are available from info@improb.com
Want to host an event? E-mail to <marca@wilson.harvard.edu>
HMO BLACK PRESS CONFERENCE Wednesday July 30, 11 am
Press conference to introduce our new bogus HMO (health
maintenance organization) will take place at Harvard Medical
School, in the fifth floor conference room of the Channing
Laboratory (which is at 181 Longwood Avenue), Harvard Medical
School. Featuring scientist/supermodel Symmetra, Nobel Laureates
William Lipscomb, Dudley Herschbach, and others. Seating is
limited. Lab coats and paper airplanes recommended but not
required.
Press contact: <marca@wilson.harvard.edu>
SEVENTH FIRST ANNUAL IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY Thurs, Oct 9
Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. Tickets will go on sale in
August. The event will also be telecast live over the Internet.
ANNUAL IG NOBEL LECTURES Fri, Oct 10
Harvard University. Lectures by Ig Nobel Laureates and other
worthies.
AIR Tour of America October-Dec 1997
Schedule to be announced. If you would like to host an event,
please email <marca@wilson.harvard.edu>
----------------------------------------------------------------
1997-07-16 How to Subscribe to AIR (*)
Here's how to subscribe to the magnificent bi-monthly print
journal The Annals of Improbable Research -- (the real thing, not
just the little bits of overflow material you have been reading
here in mini-AIR)
...............................................................
Name:
Address:
Address:
City and State: Zip or postal code:
Country
Phone: FAX: E-mail:
...............................................................
USA 1 year/$23 2 years/$39
Canada/Mexico 1 year/$27 US 2 years/$45 US
Overseas 1 year/$40 US 2 years/$70 US
[Copies of back issues are each $8 in the USA,
$11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.]
...............................................................
Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or
Visa, Mastercard or Discover info) to:
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 air@improb.com
-----------------------------------------------------
1997-07-17 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*)
What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny
version of AIR -- rather, it is overflow from the real magazine.
To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to:
LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE
(You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.)
----------------------------
To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR
To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR
To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying
which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated
950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706
-----------------------------------------------------
1997-07-18 Our Address (*)
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927
EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu
GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com
SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com
WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improb.com/
We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it.
If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a
SASE in all printed correspondence.
>From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on
ABC Television's "World News Now" and Public Radio's "Living on
Earth." A monthly column of improbable computer-related items
appears on the back page of Byte magazine.
ELSEWHERE ON THE NET:
* USENET:
a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research
---------------------------
1997-07-19 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*)
Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever
appropriate. The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR.
B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes.
------------------------------------------------------------
(c) copyright 1997, The Annals of Improbable Research
------------------------------------------------------------
-------------
mini-AIRheads
-------------
EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu)
MINI-PROOFREADER AND PICKER OF NITS (before we introduce the last
few at the last moment): Wendy Mattson <editor@sirius.com>
WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin
(ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http://www.improb.com/
COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu)
ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne
CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Craig Haggart, Deb Kreuze, Nicki
Sorel
MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto
AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon
Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts
============================================================
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