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The mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results ("mini-JIR")
Issue Number 1994-01
January, 1994
ISSN 1072-7159
Key words:science humor,irreproducible results,Ig Nobel
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The Official Electronic mini-Organ of
The Society for Basic Irreproducible Research
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Produced jointly by
The Journal of Irreproducible Results (JIR) and
The MIT Museum
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1994-01-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
1994-01-01 Table of Contents
1994-01-02 Purpose of the mini-Journal (*)
1994-01-03 Abstracts from JIR, vol. 39, no. 1, Jan/Feb 94
1994-01-04 Commentary: The Gallo Case: Power Helps
1994-01-05 JIR Recommends
1994-01-06 "The Irreproducible Sex Tour": Calling All Instigators
1994-01-07 Calendar of Upcoming Events
1994-01-08 Calls for Papers
1994-01-09 How to Submit Articles to JIR (*)
1994-01-10 How to Subscribe / How to Get Back Issues (*)
1994-01-11 A Message From Our Beleaguered Technical Brains
1994-01-12 Yes, please DO make copies! (*)
1994-01-13 Irreproducible Section
1994-01-14 Bobbitt Re-attachment
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
---------------------------------------
1994-01-02 Purpose of the mini-Journal (*)
The mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results publishes news about overly
stimulating research and ideas. Specifically:
A) Haphazardly selected superficial (but advanced!) extracts of research
news and satire from the Journal of Irreproducible Results (JIR).
B) News about the annual Ig Nobel Prize ceremony. Ig Nobel Prizes honor
"achievements that cannot or should not be reproduced." A public
ceremony is held at MIT, in Cambridge Massachusetts, every autumn. The
ceremony is sponsored jointly by JIR and by the MIT Museum.
C) News about other science humor activities conducted by the MIT Museum
and JIR.
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1994-01-03 Abstracts from JIR, vol. 39, no. 1, Jan/Feb 94
This section contains abstracts of articles that appear in volume 39,
number 1 (the January/February 1994 issue) of The Journal of
Irreproducible Results (JIR).
[PLEASE NOTE: JIR 39:1 is the annual swimsuit issue.]
| FOR FULL TEXT (including lurid |
| photographs) OF THESE ARTICLES |
| SEE THE CURRENT ISSUE OF JIR. * |
"The Wrinkle Factor Gene" by Max F. Rothschild
This paper describes experiments to identify a gene responsible for
excessive wrinkling in pigs, and subsequently in dogs and humans.
"Continuous Force Induced Medial Movement of the External Auditory
Medial Movement of the External Meatus and Auricle" by Laurence I. Barsh
To help prevent the spread of diseases, most notably AIDS, most dentists
now routinely wear masks that cover the mouth and are help in place with
elastic bands around the ears. A 36-month study assesses how much
"orthodontic" movement of the ear is induced by the continuous tensile
force which these bands exert.
"Footnotes to the First Paragraph of Chapter Three" by David Weinberger
Key literary, philosophical and technological allusions are identified
and explained for a brief quotation attributed to James Joyce, a senior
Vice President at a brokerage firm in Albany, New York. The quote was
discovered in the journal "Information Week," in paragraph 3 of an
article about high technology restructuring.
"The Effects of Peanut Butter on the Rotation of the Earth" by George
August, Anita Balliro et al
An extensive multidiscipinary study analyzes the effects of peanut
butter on the rotation of the earth.
"Untoward Behavior at the Third First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony" by
Francesca Thurston and Stephen Drew
The Third First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony is described in detail,
with a complete list of the winners, highlights from the acceptance
speeches, complete text of the seven Heisenberg Certainty Lectures
(presented by: Nobel Laureates William Lipscomb, Sheldon Glashow and
Dudley Herschbach; economist Paul Krugman; jazz harpist Deborah Henson-
Conant; "Einstein's Dreams" author Alan Lightman; and Russell Johnson,
Professor Emeritus from Gilligan's Island), and more than 15 shocking
photographs.
"Law and the Chicken" (first of three parts) by Roger I. Abrams
The author conducts the first extensive examination of the concept and
role of the chicken in western jurisprudence.
"Politically Bulletproof Testimony" by Shelby Miller
New details emerge concerning SBIR's new service of providing experts to
assist scientists in testifying to congress. Most notably: a surcharge
applies to testimony before certain committees (Dingel), and/or in
connection with the Department of Energy, with AIDS-related drug
therapies, and/or with regard to the atmospheric ozone layer.
"My Favorite Microbe: The Impossible Life of Eschericihia coli" by X.
Perry Mental
E. coli is the most examined and exploited of microbes. In many ways it
has contributed more to science than have most scientists. A senior
statesman of science gives E. coli an elegant, informed appreciation.
"Candidate for a Pullet Surprise" by Jerrold H. Zar
"I have a spelling checker.
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my review
Miss steaks aye can knot see."
The author elaborates on this theme.
"Technology Update: The Brain Tachometer" by Stephen Drew.
A new device measures how fast the mind is racing. For commercial
reasons, no details are presented as to what exactly is measured, what
the units represent, or how different values are to be interpreted.
Interview with Nobel Physics Laureate Nicolaas Bloembergen, by Marc
Abrahams
The 1981 Nobel Physics Laureate declines to answer an impersonal
question.
"Elegant Results" (regular column) by Alice Shirell Kaswell
Styles, trends, and tidbits, culled from leading research journals.
In this issue: findings from the research journal "Vogue."
"Scientific Gossip" (regular column) by Stephen Drew
Contains 100% gossip from concentrate. In this issue: Three Minute Gold;
Compelling Research; Sight versus Rights; Experiments in Alcoholism; No
Middle Down Under; Singapore Science; Flask Flap; One-Night Standoffs;
Help for Shy Talkers.
| FOR FULL TEXT (including lurid |
| photographs) OF THESE ARTICLES |
| SEE THE CURRENT ISSUE OF JIR. * |
* In case you don't have access to a
current issue, for subscription details
please see the end of this document.
----------------------------------------------
1994-01-04 Commentary: The Gallo Case
Commentary by X. Perry Mental, Honorary Chairman, The Society for Basic
Irreproducible Research (SBIR)
llo's collaborator,
Mikulas Popovic, who originally was found by ORI guilty on 4 counts of
scientific misconduct (and as a result was unemployed for 4 years).
Popovic has now been exonorated by the USDHHS Appeals Board.
As a result of this whole affair, ORI is preparing revised guidelines on
the basis of which a scientist can be convicted of fraud only if he
(she) knew that "a sentence in his/her manuscript might be misleading."
Let us hope that this will be so. Anyway, Power helps.
NOTES:
[1] to be accurate about it, let us say: "headlines surprising to many"
[2] one can rephrase this: "unfortunate victim"
--------------------------
1994-01-05 JIR Recommends
Research reports that merit a trip to the library:
"Colonic Removal of a 'Pop-Up Meat Thermometer' from the Sigmoid Colon,"
by R. G. Norfleet, G. Skerven, and H. T. Chatterton, "Journal of
Clinical Gastroenterology," vol. 6, no. 5, pp. 477-478. (Thanks to the
science reference staff at the Boston Public Library for bringing this
to our attention.)
"Groucho Running," by T. A. McMahon, G. Valiant, and E. C. Frederick,
"Journal of Applied Physiology," vol. 62, 1987, pp. 2326-2337.
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1994-01-06 "The Irreproducible Sex Tour": Calling All Instigators
In honor (?) of the new JIR book, "Sex As a Heap of Malfunctioning
Rubble," (see section 1994-01-10 below) we are organizing a 20 city
"Irreproducible Sex Tour" of North America. The tour will feature JIR
readings/seminars/slide shows. It will take place approximately during
March and April. Stops already scheduled include:
Library of Congress (Washington, DC)
National Institutes of Health (Bethesda, MD)
MENSA (New York City)
The Franklin Institute (Philadelphia)
We are scheduling the tour right now. If you would like to be a
host/instigator for an Irreproducible Science Event at your city,
university, hospital, research center, high school, book store, etc.,
ASAP please contact:
Lisa Bernstein (dubno@nysernet.ORG)
Workman Publishing, 708 Broadway, New York, NY 10013
(212) 614-7505 FAX:(212) 254-8098
If you are a JIR author and/or if you want to read, shout, or otherwise
present your irreproducible research results in public, please contact
Marc Abrahams (jir@mit.edu) as soon as possible.
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1994-01-07 Calendar of Upcoming Events
::::: Irreproducible Science Night at the Bookcellar Cafe
Wednesday, Feb. 9, 1994, 7:30-9 pm., Cambridge, MA
JIR Readings and slide show, featuring the author of "Cakus Chocolatus
and the Treatment of Disease," and other classic works. This is the
second of what will now become a regular series of Irreproducible
Science Nights at The Bookcellar Cafe, 1971 Massachusetts Avenue,
Cambridge, (617) 864-9625.
::::: "Crazy After Calculus" :::::
An ongoing exhibition of extraordinary humor at MIT from prehistoric
times through the present day.
The MIT Museum
265 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA 02139 USA
(617) 253-4422 (ktl@mitvma.mit.edu)
::::: 1994 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony :::::
Thursday evening, October 6, 1994 at MIT in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
You are cordially invited to attend. You are also invited to submit
nominations for this year's Ig Nobel Prizewinners.
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1994-01-08 Calls for Papers
CALL FOR PAPERS on the topic: "Odd Numbers." Please enclose
photomicrographs.
CALL FOR PAPERS on the topic: "The Effects of Punctuated Evolution on
the Eardrum." Please submit research results only, not speculative
essays.
CALL FOR ESSAYS for JIR's "Worst Science Teacher Competition." Essays
must be 300 words or less, explaining how and why, despite the
competition, your nominee is the world's worst science teacher. Please
enclose any photographs, diagrams, or other evidence that might bolster
your case. All entries become the property of JIR. The winning essayist
and the worst teacher will both be invited to attend the 1994 Ig Nobel
Prize Ceremony at their own expense. [A stilted note for incurably
serious readers: the underlying purpose of this competition is to
publicize the importance of GOOD science teachers!]
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1994-01-09 How to Submit Articles to JIR (*)
Since 1955, The Journal of Irreproducible Results has been the
publication of record for overly stimulating research and ideas. JIR
publishes original articles, news of particularly egregious scientific
results, and short notices of satiric and humorous intent. The editors
look forward to receiving your manuscripts, photographs, X-rays,
drawings, etc. Please do not send biological samples.
Articles are typically 500-2000 words in length. The entire manuscript
should be typed double-spaced on standard white bond paper, with
generous margins all around, and submitted with a photocopy.
Alternatively, you may submit via e-mail, in ASCII format.
Because of the volume of submissions, we are unable to acknowledge
receipt of manuscripts unless they are accompanied by a SELF-ADDRESSED,
ADEQUATELY STAMPED ENVELOPE.
Before you submit an article to The Journal of Irreproducible Results,
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE skim through a recent issue to see the typical
length and format of JIR articles. At the same time, please read the
"Information for Contributors" notice in any issue of JIR. Articles may
be submitted to:
Marc Abrahams, editor
The Journal of Irreproducible Results
c/o Wisdom Simulators
P.O. Box 380853
Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
Telephone number for editorial matters: (617) 491-4437
A list of arbitrary suggestions for authors can be obtained by sending a
SELF-ADDRESSED, ADEQUATELY STAMPED ENVELOPE to the same address.
E-mail address for editorial questions: jir@mit.edu
---------------------------
1994-01-10 How to Subscribe / How to Get Back Issues (*)
mini-JIR
The mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results is an electronic publication,
available over the Internet, free of charge. It is distributed as a
LISTSERV application. We expect to publish 6-12 issues per year.
To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to either of these addresses:
LISTSERV@MITVMA.MIT.EDU or LISTSERV@MITVMA
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words "SUBSCRIBE MINI-
JIR" followed by your name.
Here are two examples:
SUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Irene Curie Joliet
SUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Nicholas Lobachevsky
To stop subscribing,
send the following message to the same address:
SIGNOFF MINI-JIR
To obtain a list of back issues,
send this message:
INDEX MINI-JIR
To retrieve a particular back issue,
send a message specifying which issue you want.
For example, to retrieve issue 93-00002, send this message:
GET MINI-JIR 93-00002
If you have questions about how to subscribe, or if you would like to
re-distribute mini-JIR, please send e-mail to: mgeller@mit.edu
[PLEASE NOTE: if you are regularly posting mini-JIR on your gopher, WWW,
news group or mailing list, please drop an e-mail note to
mgeller@mit.edu so that we can compile a complete resource list --
thanks!]
| FOR FULL TEXT (including lurid photographs) |
| OF THE ARTICLES ABSTRACTED IN MINI-JIR |
| SEE THE CURRENT ISSUE OF JIR. |
JIR
The Journal of Irreproducible Results is a print publication published
six times per year. JIR is written by scientists from around the world,
and read by subscribers in 41 countries.
To subscribe, send payment to:
By phone: (800) 759-6102 or (617) 876-7000
By FAX: (617) 876-7022 (include credit card info)
By mail: The Journal of Irreproducible Results
c/o Wisdom Simulators, P.O. Box 380853
Cambridge, MA 02238 USA
Rates for a year's subscription:
U.S. individuals $21 libraries $40
Canada, Mexico individuals $27.50 libraries $46
Elsewhere individuals $43 libraries $62
Please call for multiple gift rates
New Book
A new book of outstanding JIR research has just been published:
A) "Sex As a Heap of Malfunctioning Rubble (and further
improbabilities): More of the Best of The Journal of Irreproducible
Results," Marc Abrahams, editor, Workman Publishing, New York, 1993.
ISBN 1-56305-312-8
Previous Books:
B) "The Best of the Journal of Irreproducible Results," George H.
Scherr, editor,Workman Publishing, New York, 1983. ISBN 0-89480-595-9
C) "Journal der Unwiederholbaren Experimente," George H. Scherr, editor,
Kruger Verlag, Frankfurt, 1986
D) "Journal der Unwiederholbaren Experimente II," George H. Scherr,
editor, Kruger Verlag, Frankfurt, 1989 ISBN 3-8105-1714-3
Items (A) and (B) are available in most libraries and bookstores,
and from the MIT Museum (617) 253-4462.
---------------------------
1994-01-11 A Message From Our Beleaguered Technical Brains
We are currently experiencing some unfortunately non-irreproducible
difficulties. One problem is that many subscribers are receiving
multiple copies of each issue. With a list as large as MINI-JIR has
become, even behemoth computers seeem to have trouble getting everything
sent out in one try. So, they start over and keep trying. There is a
way around this problem -- maybe -- but we haven't been able to get it
implemented just yet. In the mean time, as I suggested to one
subscriber who gave me information on his multiple copies, we suggest
that you use the extra copies to line the bottom of your virtual
birdcage for your ethereal parakeet.
A second significant problem is mail bounces we've received for users
whose nodes are not accepting mail. Sometimes, nodes are not properly
registered; sometimes systems are down; sometimes the byte-sized Gods
just aren't smiling on us. Subscribers in the United Kingdom seem to be
hardest hit. As luck would have it, we haven't got a satisfactory
solution for this problem yet either. If some kind colleague passes
this issue on to you because you didn't get your own copy, you can check
to see if you are properly subscribed by sending a one line message to:
LISTSERV@MITVMA or LISTSERV@MITVMA.MIT.EDU
that reads:
QUERY MINI-JIR
By return mail, you should receive information about your mail setting
for this list or a message stating that you are not subscribed. If you
don't get anything at all, there's something wrong! Check with your
local postmaster to see if the node is properly registered or what the
correct form of node name is.
--Marilyn Geller, Technical Brains (mgeller@mit.edu)
---------------------------
1994-01-12 Yes, please DO make copies! (*)
Please DO send copies of mini-JIR to anyone who might be interested.
The only limitations are:
A) You must copy the whole document, without making any changes to it.
B) You do NOT have permission to copy this document for commercial
purposes.
The contents of this document are copyright (c) 1994, Marc Abrahams.
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The mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results ("mini-JIR")
Editor: Marc Abrahams (jir@mit.edu)
Technical Brains: Marilyn Geller (mgeller@mit.edu)
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1994-01-14 Bobbitt Re-attachment
By request from scholars who are studying the Bobbitt trials, and in
recognition of our position as the official mini-organ of the Society
for Basic Irreproducible Research, we are reprinting the following
citation from the medical literature. The information is presented in
the form of a re-attachment to this document:
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"Surgical Management of an Epidemic of Penile Amputations in Siam," by
Kasian Bhanganada, Tu Chayavatana, Chumporn Pongnumkul, Anunt
Tonmukayakul, Piyasakol Sakolsatayadorn, Krit Komaratal, and Henry
Wilde, "The American Journal of Surgery," 1983, no. 146, pp. 376-382.
The report reads in part: "It became fashionable in the decade after
1970 for the humiliated Thai wife to wait until her [philandering]
husband fell asleep so that she could quickly sever his penis with a
kitchen knife. A traditional Thai home is elevated on pilings and the
windows are open to allow for ventilation. The area under the house is
the home of the family pigs, chickens, and ducks. Thus, it is quite
usual that an amputated penis is tossed out of an open window, where it
may be captured by a duck."
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