-------------------------------------------------------------------------- This file has been provided by "The Annals of Improbable Research" and is the responsibility of that organization. All questions regarding this material should be sent directly to their indicated addresses below, not to Vortex Technology. Thank you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1996-09 September, 1996 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR, the ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free newsletter of tidbits too tiny to fit in The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), the journal of inflated research and personalities ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1996-09-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1996-09-01 Table of Contents 1996-09-02 Ig Tix, Vid 1996-09-03 Further Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:5 1996-09-04 Scientists in the Sunset 1996-09-05 AIR Vents: Re Romance 1996-09-06 The Ig Nobel Ceremony is Imminent 1996-09-07 Scientific Correctness Survey -- Continued 1996-09-08 AIRhead Project 2000 1996-09-09 May We Recommend... 1996-09-10 Wrongly Crossed Leg 1996-09-11 AIRhead Events 1996-09-12 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) 1996-09-13 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) 1996-09-14 Our Address (*) 1996-09-15 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1996-09-02 Ig Tix, Vid 1. There are a few tickets still available for the Ig Nobel Prize ceremony. See below for details. Meanwhile... 2. Our plans for the charmingly poor-quality live Internet video transmission are proceeding apace. Details on this sad subject, too, lie somewhat below your current eye level. Now,... 3. As you may have heard, the chief science advisor to the government of a certain western European nation has recommended that no more Ig Nobel Prizes be awarded. In past years, the nation in question has produced an impressive number of Ig Nobel Prizewinners. Unbeknownst to the science advisor, yet another of his countrymen will happily ascend to the proud ranks on October 3 of this year. Perhaps some of our readers will invite the science advisor, who we understand is really an amiable fellow, to bring along some fish, chips, and ale, and join them in watching the Ig Nobel live Internet telecast. 4. We are looking for one or two GOOD photographers who will bravely and generously be AIR volunteer staffers for the evening and help us document this momentous event. If that sounds like you, please get in touch ASAP at 617-491-4437. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1996-09-03 Further Alluring Abstracts from AIR 2:5 AIR itself is a subversively educational print journal. The articles in AIR are longer, more visual, and more xeroxible than the tiny tidbits we publish in mini-AIR. r job." "Cracks and Mothers' Backs," by Craig A. Finseth. This already- controversial research report assesses the validity of the hypothesis "Step on a crack and you'll break your mother's back." The author makes heavy use of probability theory in reaching his conclusion. "NOBEL THOUGHTS: Clifford Shull," by Marc Abrahams. The Nobel laureate discusses his view of how physicists compare with everyone else in such matters as losing car keys. "Ascertaining Scientific Status," by Joel Kirschbaum. This cartoon is one of the few that survives translation to an all-text format. Here is such a translation: Menaced by Unabomber ------------ Winner Nobel Prize ----------------------- Published in Annals Improb. Res. -------------------------------- In American Men and Women of Science "Remove Brains with a Water Hose," by Tanika Welp. A concise summary of a report that appeared in the Journal "Bovine Veterinarian," this thought-provoking article explains the currently preferred method for removing a brain from its original container. And much, much more... Full text and illustrations of these and many other articles and citations appear in the Sept/Oct AIR. As always, we bewilderingly bewitch and bother you to subscribe -- and to submit your own research for publication. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-09-04 Scientists in the Sunset Our siren song of scientific romance has continued to yield exciting raw data. Two months ago we issued a call for all documented sightings of physicists (of any sex) galloping off into the sunset with a beautiful woman. This was in response to physicist Leon Lederman's lament: 'Scientists fall in love. But when was the last time you saw a physicist on TV galloping off into the sunset with a beautiful woman?'" Last month we published some of the data readers sent in. Here is a further sampling. "Young Einstein" -- The young Albert Einstein (played by Yahoo Serious in this mid-80's Australian film) Einstein gets it together with Marie Curie. He also is ogled by prostitutes in Sydney. "War of the Worlds" -- Gene Barry saves the world from Martians and gets the girl in what was the sunset of the invasion. "Creation -- At the end, there is scene of a galloping-physicist- w/beautiful-woman combo. This is one of Peter O'Toole's less memorable roles. Law and Order" One episode of this TV show features a physicist who cheats on his wife with some gorgeous babe. He then gets arrested for murder. "The X-Files" -- In the episode entitled "War of the Coprophages," an artificial intelligence scientist galloped off into the sunset with a beautiful woman called Bambi. "Demon Seed" (the computer gets the girl) "Young Frankenstein" "When Worlds Collide" "My Stepmother Is An Alien" "Time after Time" (maybe) "Love Potion Number Nine" "Crack in the Earth" Investigator Matt Fletcher offers this correction to an item presented last month: The "Lectroids" in "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: across the 8th dimension" are from Planet 10, not from dimension 8. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-09-05 AIR Vents: Re Romance Here are still further exhalations from our readers concerning the scientists in the sunset sightings. Investigator Jeff Templon: Does it have to be galloping (or at sunset?) I personally have *flown* off into the sunset with a beautiful woman (several times) and am a physicist. Also, I have stumbled drunkenly out of a bar with beautiful women, although it's been awhile (they have been supplanted by the woman who prefers to fly.) Investigator Alexander M Kerr: Since scientists sensu lato are seldom portrayed galloping off into the sunset with a beautiful woman/man, the chance of finding a case in which a scientist in a particular discipline is doing so seems especially slim. Thus for a suffficient N, you might want to expand your scope to include scientists in alll disciplines. Movies with molecular biologists seem popular these days. This way one could also find out which investigators get the most babes/hunks and plan one's education accordingly. Investigator Tom Gamble: Actually, in the TV sf series "Sliders", the young romantic male and the wise old codger characters are identified as physicists. I find this very incouraging, as there are no obvious physicists associated with the production and it is not a half bad series. Investigator Ben Bard: I have a degree in physics and have been on a horse next to a beautiful woman. She was on a different horse. There was no sunset involved. ---------------------------------------------------------- 1996-09-06 The Ig Nobel Ceremony is Imminent A few Ig tickets are still available for the Sixth First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, which will be held on the evening of Thursday, Oct. 3 at Harvard's Sanders Theatre (617-496-2222). The event honors those whose achievements "cannot or should not be reproduced." Several of the winners will be present -- one is coming to the ceremony from his clinic in a northern European nation. Other winners, confined to home or prison, have sent video or audio taped acceptance speeches. Audience delegations from hither and yon are busily preparing their attire and heckles. Scientist/Supermodel Symmetra is carefully preparing the plaster casts of the left feet of four Nobel Laureates and herself. The feet will be auctioned off during the ceremony. One of the Laureates will be given away in the annual Win-a-Date-With-a- Nobel-Laureate Contest. Three past winners of Ig Nobel Prizes will attend, to honor the new winners and to present their own personal tributes to this year's theme: "Biodiversity." In addition, Earle Spamer of the Academy of Natural Sciences will present his research findings (including a specially prepared specimen) on "The Taxonomy of Barney." The evening will feature the world premiere of "Lament del Cockroach," a mini-opera for Mezzo-Sopranos and Nobel Laureates, starring Margot McGlaughlin, Deb Kreuze, and the Laureates. There will also be a special pre-game concert by jazz-harpist Deborah Henson-Conant and Nobel Laureate William Lipscomb. The entire ceremony will be televised in proudly cheesy fashion live on the Internet, with the technical operations supervised by Internet celebrity Robert T. Morris. For details of how to see the telecast, see our home page http://www.improb.com ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-09-07 Scientific Correctness Survey -- Continued Here is the first set of results from our scientific correctness survey (see AIR 1996-07 for full details of the project). Somewhere between 100 and 26,000 readers voted on a question of "scientifical correctness." (Two percent of the answers were sent in languages that none of our panel could translate.) The results should help the scientific community decide which side of this issue it should accept as "correct". 13% Dinosaurs and man walked together millions of years ago. 06% Dinosaurs and man walked together less than 10,000 years ago. 06% Dinosaurs and man walked together, but it was purely platonic. 61% Dinosaurs became extinct before the first humans existed. 14% Humans became extinct before the first dinosaurs existed. More details next time, perhaps. And yes, we intend to conduct surveys on all the major controversial scientific questions of our era. ------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-09-08 AIRhead Project 2000 As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1994), we are compiling a list of everything that has 2000 as part of its name. Investigator Jeremy R Greenwood reports on receiving an invitation to what is described as a" once in a millennium event!" The accompanying schedule says that it takes place four times, making it a once-in-a-millennium four-time event: Monday, 8 October Hilton Hotel, Heathrow Airport Tuesday, 9 October Etrop Grange Hotel, Manchester Airport Wednesday, 10 October Crossair Conference Center, Basel Airport Thursday, 11 October Frankfurt Airport Conference Center The event is none other than "ALCHEMY 2000," which is said to be "a free half-day workshop on computational applications for chemical discovery with the new integrated ALCHEMY 2000 chemical discovery system." Perhaps some brave soul will attend this quadruple-singular event and then send us a report. We hope not. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-09-09 May We Recommend... Research reports that merit a trip to the library. (These items are additional to the many which appear in AIR itself.) "Colonic transit in soccer players," B. Sesboue, P. Arhan, G. Devroede, I. Lecointe-Besancon, P. Congard, M. Bouchoucha. and J. Fabre, "Journal of Clinical Gastroenterology," vol. 20, no. 3, Apr. 1995, pp. 211-4. (Thanks to Justin Graham for bringing this to our attention.) "Rats of Wistar strain discriminate by rectal temperature the two types of stressors (inescapable shock versus height and open space) whereas genetically hypertensive rats of Koletsky type do not," V. Golda and R. Petr, "Activitas Nervosa Superior (Praha)," vol. 31, no. 2, 1989, pp. 140-1. (Thanks to Chris Jones for bringing this to our attention.) ----------------------------------------------------------- 1996-09-10 Wrongly Crossed Leg Investigator Mary Stolzenbach sent us a note inquiring, "why is a journal named THROAT reporting on legs?" An excellent question. Last month's "May We Recommend" column incorrectly identified the source of the article "Leg-Crossing - Incidence and Inheritance." Thanks to investigator Mike Miller for pointing out and correcting our typographical (?) error. The rest of the citation SHOULD read: M. Reiss, "Neuropsychologia," vol. 32, no. 6, 1994, pp. 747-50. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1996-09-11 AIRhead Events ==> Updates of this schedule are available from info@improb.com Want to host an event? E-mail to marca@wilson.harvard.edu 1996 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY, Harvard University Thurs Oct 3 The event begins at 7:30. Special pre-game concert by jazz-harpist Deborah Henson-Conant and Nobel Laureate William Lipscomb begins approx. 7:20. Tickets: Sanders Theatre Box Office 617-496-2222 NORTHEAST ASSN FOR INSTITUTIONAL RESEARCH (NAIR) Sun, Nov 17 Princeton, NJ. For info: Brenda Bretz (bretz@dickinson.edu) 717-245-1316 AMERICAN ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF SCIENCE (AAAS) ANNUAL MEETING, SEATTLE Mon. Feb. 17, '97 Special session on "Improbable Research and the Ig Nobel Prizes." ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1996-09-12 How to Subscribe to AIR (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) is a magnificent bi- monthly print journal. (What you have been reading in mini-AIR are little bits of overflow material that we couldn't fit into the magazine.) Here's how to subscribe to the real thing! Rates (in US dollars) USA 1 year - $23 2 years - $39 Canada/Mexico 1 year - $27 2 years - $45 Overseas 1 year - $40 2 years - $70 [Copies of back issues are each $8 in the US, $11 in Canada/Mexico, $16 overseas.] Send payment (US bank check, or international money order, or Visa, Mastercard or Discover cards) to: The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX: 617-661-0927 air@improb.com ----------------------------------------------------- 1996-09-13 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc. (*) What you are reading right now is mini-AIR. It is NOT a tiny version of AIR -- rather, it is overflow from the real magazine. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTPROC@AIR.HARVARD.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ---------------------------- To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying which issue you want. For example, to retrieve the issue dated 950706, send this message: GET MINI-AIR MINI-AIR.950706 ----------------------------------------------------- 1996-09-14 Our Address (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) PO Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238 USA 617-491-4437 FAX:617-661-0927 EDITORIAL: marca@wilson.harvard.edu GENERAL INFO (supplied automatically): info@improb.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: air@improb.com WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.improb.com/ We read everything we receive, but are unable to answer all of it. If you need a reply, please include your Internet address and/or a SASE in all printed correspondence. >From time to time AIRhead news reports and commentary appear on ABC Television's "World News Now" and Public Radio's "Living on Earth." ELSEWHERE ON THE NET: * USENET: a weekly column appears in clari.tw.columns.imprb_research * AOL: Special extracts are available. Goto keyword "IMPROB" --------------------------- 1996-09-15 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts!) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material comes from mini-AIR. B) You may NOT distribute mini-AIR for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1996, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- EDITOR: Marc Abrahams (marca@wilson.harvard.edu) WWW EDITOR/GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT: Amy Gorin (ringo@leland.stanford.edu) http://www.improb.com/ COMMUTATIVE EDITOR: Stanley Eigen (eigen@neu.edu) ASSOCIATIVE EDITOR: Mark Dionne CO-CONSPIRATORS: Gary Dryfoos, Craig Haggart, Greg Kinney, Deb Kreuze, Nicki Sorel, Mark Taylor MAITRE DE COMPUTATION: Jerry Lotto AUTHORITY FIGURES: Nobel Laureates Dudley Herschbach, Sheldon Glashow, William Lipscomb, Richard Roberts ============================================================