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Thank you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ============================================================ The Mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results ("mini-JIR") Issue Number 1993-01 November, 1993 ISSN 1072-7159 Key words:science humor,irreproducible results,Ig Nobel ------------------------------------------------------------ The Official Electronic Mini-Organ of the Society for Basic Irreproducible Research ------------------------------------------------------------ Produced jointly by The Journal of Irreproducible Results (JIR) and The MIT Museum ============================================================ ----------------------------- 1993-01-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1993-01-01 Table of Contents 1993-01-02 Purpose of the Mini-Journal (*) 1993-01-03 Abstracts from JIR, vol. 38, no. 5, Sep/Oct 93 1993-01-04 List of 1993 Ig Nobel Prize Winners 1993-01-05 NAFTA Update 1993-01-06 JIR Recommends 1993-01-07 Upcoming Events at the MIT Museum and Elsewhere 1993-01-08 Calls for Papers and Nominations 1993-01-09 How to Submit Articles to JIR (*) 1993-01-10 How to Subscribe (*) 1993-01-11 Copyright Notice (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. So many of you subscribed to mini-JIR that you rendered it, very temporarily, irreproducible. We had planned to send out this first issue early in the week of November 15. But with this number of subscribers, that would have overwhelmed the MIT computer system, and possibly slowed down other portions of the net. Rather than do that, we made arrangements to have a number of sites redistribute mini-JIR. We apologize for the delay, and thank you for your patience. --------------------------------------- 1993-01-02 Purpose of the Mini-Journal (*) The Mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results publishes news about overly stimulating research and ideas. Specifically: A) Haphazardly selected superficial (but advanced!) extracts of research news and satire from the Journal of Irreproducible Results (JIR). B) News about the annual Ig Nobel Prize ceremony. Ig Nobel Prizes honor "achievements that cannot or should not be reproduced." A public ceremony is held at MIT, in Cambridge Massachusetts, every autumn. The ceremony is sponsored jointly by JIR and by the MIT Museum. C) News about other science humor activities conducted by the MIT Museum and JIR. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1993-01-03 Abstracts from JIR, vol. 38, no. 5, Sep/Oct 93 This section contains abstracts of articles that appear in volume 38, number 5 (the September/October 1993 issue) of The Journal of Irreproducible Results. "Teeth Pulled by Peter the Great," by Rosamond Wolff Purcell and Stephen J. Gould. A photograph documents 24 teeth, all personally pulled by Peter the Great of Russia, who fancied himself a dentist, and who often would demand this sacrifice of a member of his retinue or even of an idle passerby. "Selecting a College: The Squirrel Index," by Bruce McAfee. In recommending a college to attend, experts traditionally rely on innacurate assumptions: that prospective students can read, etc. The author proposes and tests a new approach for selecting a college: examining the number and friendliness of a college's resident squirrel population. "What's in a Name? (Middle) Name-Dropping and Postwar American Politics" by William J. Tompson There is a marked trend toward shorter names for American politicians and statesmen. This study uses a number of highly sophisticated quantitative tests to draw a link between this phenomenon and the influence of the Bolshevik Revolution on American intellectual life. "The Coffee Strength Gauge," by Stephen Drew. A new wristwatch-shaped device assesses the quality of a cup of coffee. It provides house guests and restaurant patrons with a polite way to tell before drinking the coffee whether it is too strong, too weak, or just right. "A Phenomenon Caused by Excess Gravity," by J. William Taylor. Photographic evidence supports the author's theory of how two wine glasses came to be of differing heights. "The Phantom Research Grant Phenomenon," by George Englebretsen and Genevieve Boulet. The authors contend that, just as victims of limb loss are often forced phsychologically to continue to behave as if their phantom limbs still exist, victims of research grant loss are often forced to continue to behave as if their grants still exist. "The Therapeutic Value of Whimpering," by Roma Lark. The author, a nursing student, finds that the length of a hospital patient's stay can be predicted by the quality and frequency of the patient's whimpering. "Measuring Effects of Space Flight Without Space Flight," by Mark Shelhamer. A simple mathematical method predicts human physical performance under weightless conditions. It is based on measuring the difference in performance, under normal gravity, between subjects weighing (for example) X and 2X. Interview with Nobel Physics laureate (1979) Allan Cormack. Cormack developed the mathematical and physical foundations of computerized axial tomography (CAT) imaging. In this interview, he explains his secrets for staying awake during a dull lecture, and suggests candidates for the Ig Nobel Prize. "An Important but Neglected Function of Nitric Oxide (NO)," by X. Perry Mental. A historical context is given for the recent discovery, published in the research journal "Science," that nitric oxide (NO) may play a role in penile erections. A non- seminal event was the 1965 discovery of the contraceptive NO-acetol, the chemical structure of which has nitric oxide (NO) in every position. "Nitric Oxide (NO): Don't Confuse Cause With Effect," by Benjamin J. Luberoff. The author contends that recent research on nitric oxide (NO) leaves it unclear whether: (a) NO conveys a message that causes penile erection; or (b) the erection elicits the NO. "Comedic Cosmology," by Howard Zaharoff. The publication of this article was made possible by a generous donation from the author's family. "A Cool Analysis of the Heat Pump," by Mark Lipsman. The classical heat pump is analyzed in terms of the spaces between molecules, Planck's constant, and moving trains. "Elegant Results" (regular column) by Alice Shirell Kaswell. Styles, trends, and tidbits, culled from leading research journals. In this issue: findings from the research journals "Skin Art Encyclopedia," " Outlaw Biker Review," and "Tattoo." "Scientific Gossip" (regular column) by Stephen Drew. Contains 100% gossip from concentrate. In this issue: Recycled House Wine; Disorder for Doctors; Patch People; Fungus Factory; There's a Song in My Stomach; Gas for interested Viewers; The Passing of Things Remembered; Borderline Therapy; The Omni-Drug Revolution. ---------------------------------------------- 1993-01-04 List of 1993 Ig Nobel Prize Winners The winners of the 1993 Ig Nobel Prizes were announced in a ceremony held on October 7 at MIT. The Prizes honor individuals whose achievements cannot or should not be reproduced. Eleven Ig Nobel Prizes were given this year. The winners come from 16 different countries: Australia; Belgium; Canada; England; France; Germany; Ireland; Israel; Luxembourg; the Netherlands; New Zealand; the Philippines; Poland; Spain; Switzerland; and the United States. A number of dignitaries participated in the ceremony, including: Nobel Laureates William Lipscomb (chemistry, 1976), Sheldon Glashow (physics, 1979), Jerome Friedman (physics, 1990), Mel Schwartz, (physics, 1985) and Dudley Herschbach (chemistry, 1986); Russell Johnson, professor emeritus from Gilligan's Island; Alan Lightman, author of "Einstein's Dreams;" jazz harpist Deborah Henson-Conant, MIT economist Paul Krugman; "New England Journal of Medicine" executive editor Marcia Angell; past president of the American Bar association John J. Curtin; and Tufts University Dental School's Philip Molloy, who has performed more than 10,000 root canal procedures. The new winners: Psychology John Mack of Harvard Medical School and David Jacobs of Temple University, mental visionaries, for their leaping conclusion that people who believe they were kidnapped by aliens from outer space, probably were -- and especially for their conclusion that, in Professor Jacobs's words, "the focus of the abduction is the production of children." [Both Mack and Jacobs have written and spoken extensively on the subject. A good introduction is the book "Secret Life," by David Jacobs with an introduction by John Mack, Simon and Schuster, New York, 1992.] Consumer Engineering Ron Popeil, incessant inventor and perpetual pitchman of late night television, for redefining the industrial revolution with such devices as the Veg-O-Matic, the Pocket Fisherman, the Cap Snaffler, Mr. Microphone, and the Inside- the-Shell Egg Scrambler. Biology Paul Williams, Jr. of the Oregon State Health Division and Kenneth W. Newell of the Liverpool School of Tropical Medicine, bold biological detectives, for their pioneering study, "Salmonella Excretion in Joy-Riding Pigs." [The study was published in "The American Journal of Public Health," vol. 60, no. 5, May, 1970. Kenneth Newell died in March, 1990.] Economics Ravi Batra of Southern Methodist University, shrewd economist and best-selling author of "The Great Depression of 1990" ($17.95) and "Surviving the Great Depression of 1990" ($18.95), for selling enough copies of his books to single-handedly prevent worldwide economic collapse. Peace The Pepsi-Cola Company of the Phillipines, suppliers of sugary hopes and dreams, for sponsoring a contest to create a millionaire, and then announcing the wrong winning number, thereby inciting and uniting 800,000 riotously expectant winners, and bringing many warring factions together for the first time in their nation's history. Visionary Technology Presented jointly to Jay Schiffman of Farmington Hills, Michigan, crack inventor of AutoVision, an image projection device that makes it possible to drive a car and watch television at the same time, and to the Michigan state legislature, for making it legal to do so. [Michigan House Bill 4530, Public Act #55 was signed into law by the Governor on June 6, 1991.] Chemistry James Campbell and Gaines Campbell of Lookout Mountain, Tennessee, dedicated deliverers of fragrance, for inventing scent strips, the odious method by which perfume is applied to magazine pages. [Additional historical information about the invention of scent strips can be obtained from the Campbells' former colleague, Ronald Versic, President of the Ronald P. Dodge Company in Dayton, OH.] Literature Awarded jointly to E. Topol, R. Califf, F. Van de Werf, P. W. Armstrong, and their 972 co-authors, for publishing a medical research paper which has one hundred times as many authors as pages. [Source "An International Randomized Trial Comparing Four Thrombolytic Strategies for Acute Myocardial Infarction," "The New England Journal of Medicine," volume 329, number 10, September 2, 1993, pages 673-682. The co-authors come from 15 different nations: Australia; Belgium; Canada; England; France; Germany; Ireland; Israel; Luxembourg; the Netherlands; New Zealand; Poland; Spain; Switzerland; and the United States.] Mathematics Robert Faid of Greenville, South Carolina, farsighted and faithful seer of statistics, for calculating the exact odds (8,606,091,751,882:1) that Mikhail Gorbachev is the Antichrist. [Faid's complete calculation is contained in the book "Gorbachev! Has the Real Antichrist Come?" published by Victory House, Tulsa, Oklahoma. The pertinent section of the book was reprinted in the January, 1989 issue of Harper's Magazine.] Physics Louis Kervran of France, ardent admirer of alchemy, for his conclusion that the calcium in chickens' eggshells is created by a process of cold fusion. [For an English language version of Kervran's research see the book "Biological Transmutations, and their applications in chemistry, physics, biology, ecology, medicine, nutrition, agriculture, geology," by Louis Kervran, Swan House Publishing Co., 1972.] Medicine James F. Nolan, Thomas J. Stillwell, and John P. Sands, Jr., medical men of mercy, for their painstaking research report, "Acute Management of the Zipper-Entrapped Penis." [Nolan is Associate in Urology at the Guthrie Clinic in Sayre, PA. Stillwell is in private practice at North Urology, Ltd., in Robbinsdale, MN. Sands is Chairman of the Department of Urology, Naval Hospital, San Diego, CA. Their report was published in "The Journal of Emergency Medicine," vol. 8, 1990.] ------------------------ 1993-01-05 NAFTA Update Until very recently, the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) was the subject of fierce debate among economists. The remarkable sudden arrival at concensus within the profession was due largely to a concept articulated by Paul Krugman. Krugman delivered his remarks on October 7 at the Ig Noble Prize Ceremony, in the form of a Heisenberg Certainty Lecture. Heisenberg Certainty Lecture #4. Paul Krugman, Professor of Economics, MIT. "The MIT Economics Department has now solved the riddle of world economic crisis. It turns out that if you add up last year's reported imports and exports for all of the countries in the world, world imports exceeded world exports by more than one hundred billion dollars. You know what that means. It means that we are running a huge global deficit in our interplanetary trade. So Ross Perot has it wrong. That great sucking sound isn't coming from Mexico -- it's coming from outer space. Space aliens are stealing American jobs." -------------------------- 1993-01-06 JIR Recommends Research reports that merit a trip to the library: "Surgical Management of an Epidemic of Penile Amputations in Siam," by Kasian Bhanganada, Tu Chayavatana, Chumporn Pongnumkul, Anunt Tonmukayakul, Piyasakol Sakolsatayadorn, Krit Komaratal, and Henry Wilde, "The American Journal of Surgery," 1983, no. 146, pp. 376-382. The report reads in part: "It became fashionable in the decade after 1970 for the humiliated Thai wife to wait until her [philandering] husband fell asleep so that she could quickly sever his penis with a kitchen knife. A traditional Thai home is elevated on pilings and the windows are open to allow for ventilation. The area under the house is the home of the family pigs, chickens, and ducks. Thus, it is quite usual that an amputated penis is tossed out of an open window, where it may be captured by a duck." "Protein, cDNA, and Genomic DNA Sequences of the Towel Gourd Trypsin Inhibitor, A Squash Family Inhibitor," "The Journal of Biological Chemistry," vol. 268, no. 2, January 15, 1993, pp. 810-814. (Thanks to Thomas Michel for bringing this to our attention.) "Establishment of Cattle-Human Relationships," by X. Boivin, P. Le Neindre, and J. M. Chupin, "Applied Animal Behavior Science," vol. 32, 1992, pp. 325-335. (Thanks to Earle Spamer for bringing this to our attention.) ----------------------------------------------------------- 1993-01-07 Upcoming Events at the MIT Museum and Elsewhere ::::: "Crazy After Calculus" ::::: An ongoing exhibition of extraordinary humor at MIT from prehistoric times through the present day. The MIT Museum 265 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA 02139 USA (617) 253-4422 Internet address: ktl@mitvma.mit.edu ::::: Ig Nobel Prize ceremony on RADIO ::::: A recording of the 1993 Ig Nobel Prize ceremony is scheduled to be broadcast on National Public Radio's "Talk of the Nation Science Friday With Ira Flatow" on Friday afternoon, November 26, the day after Thanksgiving. Internet address: scifriday@aol.com ::::: Irreproducible Public Reading/Performance ::::: On Wednesday, January 12, 1994, 7-9 pm., The Bookcellar Cafe [1971 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA, (617) 864-9625] is sponsoring a public reading/performance of classic JIR research papers, including several papers that appear in the new book "Sex As a Heap..."). JIR authors who wish to take part should contact the editor (jir@mit.edu) as soon as possible. ::::: North American Irreproducible Research Tour ::::: The publisher of the new JIR book (see section 1993-01-08 below) will be sponsoring a JIR readings/research tour of North American cities, universities, and medical centers. The tour is being planned now, and is tentatively scheduled to happen in February and/or March. If you would like to help organize a session in your area, please contact: Lisa Bernstein, Workman Publishing, 708 Broadway, New York, NY 10013 voice:(212) 614-7505 FAX:(212) 254-8098 ::::: 1994 Ig Nobel Prize ceremony ::::: The next ceremony will be held on or about Thursday, October 6, 1994 at MIT in Cambridge, Massachusetts. You are cordially invited to attend. The exact date will be confirmed in a future issue of this newsletter. ------------------------------------------ 1993-01-08 Calls for Papers and Nominations CALL FOR PAPERS on the topic: "My Favorite Microbe." Please enclose photomicrographs. CALL FOR PAPERS on the topic: "Alternatives to H2O." Please submit research results only, not speculative essays. CALL FOR PAPERS analyzing the relationships between nations' pollution levels and their (a) climate (especially average seasonal temperatures) or (b) distance from the equator. Please submit research results only, not speculative essays. CALL FOR ESSAYS for JIR's "Worst Science Teacher Competition." Essays must be 300 words or less, explaining how and why, despite the competition, your nominee is the world's worst science teacher. Please enclose any photographs, diagrams, or other evidence that might bolster your case. All entries become the property of JIR. The winning essayist and the worst teacher will both be invited to attend the 1994 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony at their own expense. [A stilted note for incurably serious readers: the underlying purpose of this competition is to publicize the importance of GOOD science teachers!] CALL FOR NOMINATIONS for the Ig Nobel Prize. The Prize is given for achievements that cannot or should not be reproduced. ---------------------------------------- 1993-01-09 How to Submit Articles to JIR (*) Since 1955, The Journal of Irreproducible Results has been the publication of record for overly stimulating research and ideas. JIR publishes original articles, news of particularly egregious scientific results, and short notices of satiric and humorous intent. The editors look forward to receiving your manuscripts, photographs, X-rays, drawings, etc. Please do not send biological samples. The entire manuscript should be typed double-spaced on standard white bond paper, with generous margins all around, and submitted with a photocopy. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE skim through a recent issue to see the typical length and format of JIR articles. At the same time, please read the "Information for Contributors" notice in any issue of JIR. Articles may be submitted to: Marc Abrahams, editor The Journal of Irreproducible Results c/o Wisdom Simulators P.O. Box 380853 Cambridge, MA 02238 USA Telephone number for editorial matters: (617) 491-4437 A list of arbitrary suggestions for authors can be obtained by sending a SELF-ADDRESSED, ADEQUATELY STAMPED ENVELOPE to the same address. E-mail address for editorial questions: jir@mit.edu --------------------------- 1993-01-10 How to Subscribe (*) mini-JIR The Mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results is an electronic publication, available over the Internet, free of charge. It is distributed as a LISTSERV application. We expect to publish 6-12 issues per year. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to either one of these addresses: LISTSERV@MITVMA.MIT.EDU or LISTSERV@MITVMA The body of your message should contain ONLY the words "SUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR" followed by your name. Here are two examples: SUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Irene Curie Joliet SUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Nicholas Lobachevsky To stop subscribing, send an unsubscribe message to the same address. Here are two examples: UNSUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Irene Curie Joliet UNSUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Nicholas Lobachevsky If you have questions about how to subscribe, or if you would like to redistribute mini-JIR from your site, please send e-mail to: mgeller@mit.edu Back issues of mini-JIR will be available via LISTSERV and on various gophers. Details will be published in future issues. JIR The Journal of Irreproducible Results is a print publication published six times per year. JIR is written by scientists from around the world, and read by subscribers in 41 countries. Rates for a year's subscription: U.S. ------------ individuals: $21 ---- libraries: $40 Canada, Mexico -- individuals $27.50 -- libraries: $46 Elsewhere ------- individuals $43 ----- libraries: $62 Special group subscriptions please call for details. To subscribe, send payment to: The Journal of Irreproducible Results c/o Wisdom Simulators, P.O. Box 380853 Cambridge, MA 02238 USA Fax: (617) 876-7022 Telephone: (800) 759-6102 or (617) 876-7000 A new collection of outstanding JIR research has just been published in book form: "Sex As a Heap of Malfunctioning Rubble (and further improbabilities)," Marc Abrahams, editor, Workman Publishing, New York, 1993. Previous collections are available in many libraries: A) "The Best of the Journal of Irreproducible Results," George H. Scherr, editor, Workman Publishing, New York, 1983. B) "Journal der Unwiederholbaren Experimente," George H. Scherr, editor, Kruger Verlag, Frankfurt, 1986 C) "Journal der Unwiederholbaren Experimente II," George H. Scherr, editor, Kruger Verlag, Frankfurt, 1989 --------------------------- 1993-01-11 Copyright Notice (*) Please forward this document to anyone who might be interested. The only limitations are: A) You must copy this document IN ITS ENTIRETY, WITHOUT MODIFICATIONS. You do NOT have permission to change the contents or to make extracts. B) You do NOT have permission to copy this document for commercial purposes. The contents of this document are copyright (c) 1993 by the Journal of Irreproducible Results. ------------------------------------------------------- The Mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results ("mini-JIR") Editor: Marc Abrahams (jir@mit.edu) Technical Brains: Marilyn Geller (mgeller@mit.edu) -------------------------------------------------------