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"Plus One"

December 26, 2000

Satire by
Lauren Weinstein


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Date:    December 26, 2000

From:    Colonel G. W. Klang
         Headquarters, Strategic Planning Division
         Terran Sector (CONUS)

Subject: "Operation Plus One" Status 

To:      All 

Loyal Friends and Co-Workers:

I want to take this opportunity to thank you all for your diligence and hard work over the last year, as we've moved forward with "Operation Plus One" towards its fruition in just a few days. It's been an outstanding effort and we can all look ahead to results that will place the Directorate Of Manipulation Into Necessary Omnipotency within the pantheon of the greatest secret, mysterious, acronym-enhanced global organizations of all time. I know that you all have been carefully following the voluminous progress reports issued by Lieutenants Howard and Fine over the last year, but I felt that this final pre-event rundown would be of particular value and interest.

As you no doubt are aware, our longstanding misinformation campaigns that so successfully steered public attention toward the non-event of "Y2K" a year ago have continued in glorious fashion, and I'm pleased to report that there has been virtually no notice of the upcoming Y2K+1 problems which we have so long awaited. By convincing the news media, survivalists, talk show hosts, Web columnists, and "dot-com" stockholders that all manner of technical disasters would occur on the transition to January 1, 2000, we have successfully obliterated notice of the fact that the actual breakdowns will be occurring on the transition from the year 2000 to the year 2001, as we truly begin the 21st century.

This manipulation of the public sense of the calendar, to erroneously convince billions of persons that the 21st century and a new millennium actually began a year ago was no minor feat, and we all can take pride in the propaganda effort that made this possible. It even transcends (no pun intended) our now legendary 1897 attempt in the State of Indiana to legislate the value of "pi" to be 3.2 (a project we may yet revisit on a planetary scale as time and resources permit).

Now, as we await the technical Y2K+1 meltdowns that will be occurring in just a few days -- the power fluctuations, plunging elevators, tumbling satellites, electric toothbrushes switching uncontrollably between vertical and horizontal strokes, and the untold other doomsday scenarios that the public has forgotten over the past year, it seems appropriate to pause and give thanks.

We must thank public gullibility of course, for without it all of our efforts would be in vain. But we also cannot forget to thank our unwitting compatriots in the elected political circles, for it's their continuous and ongoing warping of fact and spinning of reality for their own political ends that has trained the public to accept drivel as gospel, and inanities as solemn truths. It works for them, and it works for us!

However, even as we bask in the glow of our accomplishments up to now, we must not reduce our diligence or our efforts. The risk of public enlightenment, while admittedly very small today, is always present, and must be taken seriously. We must continue until not only mankind's machines, but his very spirit as well, are fully subjugated. The most recent U.S. election cycle and its aftermath have given us a rousing head start in this direction, but now it's up to us to continue carrying the ball. I know that I can count on all of you.

Enjoy New Year's Day 2001, and then onward into the 21st century!


Col. Klang, G. W.
D.O.M.I.N.O./Terran HQ (CONUS)
Domnet: +01259 (8071) 484-2003

020:3 (Galac-Linux)

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= = = = = =

Lauren Weinstein

For information about the author, please see: http://www.vortex.com/lauren

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